#humorous

Miss Granger, you foolish girl, how could you think of tackling a mountain troll on your own? Five points will be taken from Gryffindor for this,” said Professor McGonagall. “I’m very disappointed in you.” Hermione left. Professor McGonagall turned to Harry and Ron. “Well, I still say you were lucky, but not many first years could have taken on a full-grown mountain troll. You each win Gryffindor five points. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

If somebody tells me what to do, I will do my best not to do it. ↗

— Hiroko Sakai

#funny #humorous #independence #funny

It's all right, darling. I'll finish the financial report on my own. I can think clearly before sex and stay awake afterwards. That's one of the nice things about being a woman. ↗

— Barbara Taylor Bradford

#may-december-relationships #humor

I got hard and he was there and the next thing I knew he was on his knees. I mean, I was going to step away, but he licked me. ↗

— Anne Tenino

#humor

One should never marry a man who doesn't own a decent set of scissors. ↗

— Gillian Flynn

#scissors #humor

I shot him a look. "That bouncer was really big." His lips quirked. "Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things." "What?" The grin spread. "I would say size doesn't matter but it does. I would know." he winked, and I let out a disgusted groan. He laughed. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#humor #humorous #humour #funny

It may have been observed that there is no regular path for getting out of love as there is for getting in. Some people look upon marriage as a short cut that way, but it has been known to fail. ↗

— Thomas Hardy

#humor

But if anyone so much as threatened them because of what Kaia had once done, she would turn the Slumber Party Massacre into Blood, Bath and Beyond, a documentary by Kaia Skyhawk. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#humor

Don't eat earwax avoid roasted cabbage and look on the bright side of life -Angela ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#humor

Asshole," Ephraim muttered as he turned back around. Chris chuckeled. "Is that really any way to talk to your favorite child?" "You're not my favorite," Ephraim argued, but they both knew that was bullshit. "I don't have any favorites." "Puhlease," Chris said. "You fucking adore me... ↗

— R.L. Mathewson

#humor