#humorous

In the middle of the night I am awakened by a sound. I sit up abruptly in bed. I hear it again. It's music. Wait, it sounds like the ice cream man, in our house. Is this some kind of twisted nightmare? The flipping ice cream man, breaking in to chop us all up in our beds to the tune of 'Zippity Do Dah'?... My heart slows. I remember. There is no psycho ice cream man here. It is just our new musical soap dispenser... ↗

— Deb Caletti

#humor

What?" Jace was still staring at her as if she'd told him she had found one of the Silent Brothers doing nude cartwheels in the hallway. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Himmlisch ist's wenn ich bezwungen Meine irdische Begier; Aber doch wenn's nich gelungen Hatt' ich auch recht huebsch Plaisir! Loosely translated: It is heavenly, when I overcome My earthly desires But nevertheless, when I'm not successful, It can also be quite pleasurable. ↗

— Leo Tolstoy

#sexuality #unfaithful #humor

Damon Scares me,' Maggie said. 'Maybe you should do what he wants.' 'Can't.' 'Why not?' 'Because he killed me. That kind of pisses me off ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor

Okay, boys.” Pestilence's grating voice rang out. “Kill the human and the mutt, and let's get this Apocalypse started! ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor

Certainly no one has ever died of an unrequited passion—it's usually the ones that are requited that get people in trouble. ↗

— Mercedes Lackey

#relationships #unrequited-love #humor

Zane wondered if Ty was a mama‟s boy. He tipped his head to the side, watching them as he picked out a piece of warm bread, and thought maybe so. Not that he would ever voice that opinion to Ty until he was good and ready to die. ↗

— Madeleine Urban Abigail Roux

#humor

So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends—but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership. ↗

— Julio-Alexi Genao

#humorous #monday #mondays #humor

I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorist #humorous-quotations #humourous #humor

Steampunk is nothing more than what happens when Goths discover brown. ↗

— Charles Stross

#humorous #humor