#humorous

...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this: "He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#insightful #humor

By the Angel, this place is barely better than a penny gaff,” Gideon said. “Gabriel, don’t look at anything unless I tell you it’s all right. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humorous #humor

Can I have my ear back?" He asked irritably. She blinked. "Mother, can you tell this creature here to loosen her hold? ↗

— Anya Wylde

#humor

I'm going to go throw up now, because ive turned into my dad. If vomiting doesn't work, I'll see if I can get an exorcism. ↗

— Veronica Blade

#growing-up #humor #humorous #humor

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ↗

— John Lyman

#humor

See? That’s it,” he said, waving his hand. “That’s part of what makes us so great, Luce. I’m crazy. You’re crazy. Together, we make our own brand of crazy. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#humorous #humor

That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're looking' to find poloponies. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humorous #humor

A reputation for money is almost as negotiable as money itself. ↗

— John Steinbeck

#humor

What would you tell her about me?” He did not just ask that. “You did not just ask that.” She chuckled. “I’m serious,” he smiled. “Very well, if you must know, I would say that you are arrogant and foolish, too handsome for your own good and far too cognizant of your own intellect. Unbending, unsympathetic, dogmatic, pig-headed—” “Handsome?” he interrupted, unable to keep the smile from his face. “And intelligent?” “Don’t forget arrogant. ↗

— Leigh LaValle

#humorous #humor

I'd much rather have a brain of my own than be popular. ↗

— Dori Hillestad Butler

#humor