#humorous

So where does the name Adam's apple come from? Most people say that it is from the notion that this bump was caused by the forbidden fruit getting stuck in the throat of Adam in the Garden of Eden. There is a problem with this theory because some Hebrew scholars believe that the forbidden fruit was the pomegranate. The Koran claims that the forbidden fruit was a banana. So take your pick---Adam's apple, Adam's pomegranate, Adam's banana. Eve clearly chewed before swallowing. ↗

— Mark Leyner

#funny #humorous #irony #relationships #funny

Yeah 220, 221 whatever it takes!" Michael Keaton character in "Mr. Mom ↗

— Mark Buff

#funny-humor #humor #humorous #funny

If a child shows himself to be incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate his kind. ↗

— Don Marquis

#humorous #incorrigible #age

Liberace was certainly master and commander of the ivories ~ he is the only pianist I can watch or listen to without suffering a case of 'Stagefright Sympathy Sickness'. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#concerts #entertainers #entertainment #funny #gifted-people

I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple. ↗

— David Sedaris

#religion #dating

A weapon, I told Horus. I need a weapon. I reached into the Duat and pulled out an ostrich feather. “Really?” I yelled. Horus didn’t answer ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

What was that about?' she demanded. 'His mother is practically gushing over you. Not to mention that he's holding your hand like it's the most natural thing in the world. Forget about dating - are you having a wedding you forgot to invite me to? ↗

— Rebecca Donovan

#dating

Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #humorous #insanity #lunatics #death

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humorous-quotations #ironic #irony #death

I turned on the television and watched a movie about a girl who’d fallen in love with both a vampire and a werewolf. I’d already seen it a million times, so my eyelids grew heavy, fairly quickly. Ten minutes later I was out cold in my bed and dreaming of Duncan, who turned into a werewolf and was trying to kill my own vampire boyfriend. Every time I tried to see the vampire’s face, however, it was a blur. ↗

— Kristen Middleton

#humorous #movie-inspirational #dreams