#humorous

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value of your bird just went up!! ↗

— Neil Leckman

#inspirational #inspirational

I don't care how impossible it seems. ↗

— David Byrne

#david-byrne #humorous #inspirational #song #talking-heads

Writing is my passion, not my job. I need to write as much as I need to breathe, if not more. ↗

— A.E. Croft

#humorous #inspirational #writing #inspirational

I've spent enough time with soldiers to know that once they get to know you and they loosen up and become themselves, they are some of the biggest hams and most charismatic, cocky, fun, humorous guys I've ever met. ↗

— Peter Berg

#biggest #charismatic #cocky #enough #ever

The streak of bleach in my hair is as obvious as ever. Am I really going out in public like this? I push my hair backward and forward a few times - but I can't hide it. Maybe I could walk along with my hand carelessly positioned at my head, as if I'm thinking hard. I attempt a few casual, pensive poses in the mirror. "Is your head all right?" I swivel round in shock to see Nathaniel at the open door, wearing a plaid shirt and jeans. "Er...fine," I say, my hand still glued to my head. "I was just..." Oh, there's no point. I bring my hand down from my hair and Nathaniel regards the streak for a moment. "It looks nice," he says. "Like a badger." "A badger?" I say, affronted. "I don't look like a badger." "Badgers are beautiful creatures," says Nathaniel with a shrug. "I'd rather look like a badger than a stoat. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#beauty

There is no need to masturbate your brain, just to ejaculate your thoughts all over the place ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#philisophical #humor

Eve: I don't understand this word..."Freedom." Does it mean...I do what I want? Sven: Yes. Eve: Then I wouldn't have to kill anymore? Sven: No more killing. ↗

— Kentaro Yabuki

#freedom

If a child shows himself to be incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate his kind. ↗

— Don Marquis

#humorous #incorrigible #age

Liberace was certainly master and commander of the ivories ~ he is the only pianist I can watch or listen to without suffering a case of 'Stagefright Sympathy Sickness'. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#concerts #entertainers #entertainment #funny #gifted-people

Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she'd been on. The last PROPER date. Did fighting side by side with Saracen Rue count as a date? They ended up snuggling under the moonlight, drenched in gore and pieces of brain - so it had PROBABLY been a date. If it wasn't, it was certainly a fun time had by all. Well, not ALL. But she and Saracen had sure had a blast. ↗

— Derek Landy

#dating #flings #gore #humor #humorous