#humorous

To ugly ducklings everywhere, Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons: They'll never get to be swans ↗

— Zoë Marriott

#cool #cute #funny #humor-inspirational #humorous

I tried to explain as much as I could," Poppet says. "I think I made an analogy about cake." "Well, that must have worked," Widget says. "Who doesn't like a good cake analogy? ↗

— Erin Morgenstern

#humorous #widget #humor

Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch. ↗

— Lili St. Crow

#funny-as-hell #funny-quotes #funny-stuff #humor #humor-work

Once I got home, though, and saw several packages on my front porch, all the crap from the day disappeared. A few had smiley faces on them. Squealing, I grabbed the boxes. Books were inside-- new release books I'd preordered weeks ago. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#humorous #humor

Use a condom. The world doesn't need another you. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#condoms #humorous-comebacks #insult #humor

I've heard that men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

Why does everything have to be so hard? [Eragon] wondered. Because, said Saphira, everyone wants to eat, but no one wants to be eaten. ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#inheritance-cycle #humor

Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four. ↗

— Nora Ephron

#humorous #skinny #humor

Perhaps we humans are still in command, and perhaps there really will be a conventional robot war in the not-so-distant future. If so, let's roll. I'm ready. My toaster will never be the boss of me. Get ready to make me some Pop-Tarts, bitch. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#humor

It's 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is? ↗

— Amy Neftzger

#drinking #friday #humor #humorous #margarita