#humorous

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace. ↗

— Victor Borge

#fire #fireplace #funny #humor #humorous

Stop crying. You're giving archangels everywhere a bad name." Patch to Pepper ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#patch-cipriano #humor

If it’s going to be two against one, make sure you aren’t the one. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

Kiss my ass Rath Roiben Rye ↗

— Holly Black

#humor

And I remind you of your mother now? I have got to look into a manlier cologne. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humorous #jace #humor

Every gay man out there has at least one man-crush in his past that totally shriveled his nads into raisins and sent him screaming off into the night. ↗

— T.A. Webb

#humor

I like fish," chirruped Tunstell. "Really, Mr. Tunstell? What is your preferred breed?" "Well"--Tunstell hesitated--"you know, the um, ones that"--he made a swooping motion with both hands--"uh, swim. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor

He also deeply distrusts vampires, as you had guessed yourself,” Bones added. “Aside from that, all I heard was enough repetitions of ‘how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck’ to make me want to stake myself. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#funny-as-hell #humorous #one-grave-at-a-time #funny

Cross.” His head popped up a few shelves over. “What?” “Check out the magic crap.” He shot me a look. “Oh, is that what we’re supposed to be doing? Because I’ve just been drawing hearts and our initials in the dirt.” Sophie + Archer ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#humor

If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave. ↗

— Mo Willems

#humor #humorous #philosophy #psychology #humor