#humorous

It's easy to remember, because dating rhymes with mating, and they're almost the same [...] So your mom thinks we're ma-- Uh, dating? ↗

— Anna Banks

#humorous #ya #young-adult #dating

I'm not helping any of you freaks!" she shouts. "I'm not the Witch of Wayland, you hear me? I'm sick of all you mutants pounding on my door for love spells and all the like! I told you, I don't do that backwoods modern-day, wannabe Wiccafuck stuff! You hear me? ↗

— J.A. Redmerski

#love

And now leave me in peace for a bit! I don't want to answer a string of questions while I am eating. I want to think!" "Good Heavens!" said Pippin. "At breakfast? ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#hobbits #humorous #humor

A cupcake temple?' Her chest still tight with anxiety, Bertie forced herself to imagine it: bricks of pound cake mortared with buttercream and chocolate ganache, torches like striped birthday candles set into the walls, pilgrims upon the Path of Delectable Righteousness delivering daily tributes of almond paste and raspberry filling. . . . ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#humor

Eve: I don't understand this word..."Freedom." Does it mean...I do what I want? Sven: Yes. Eve: Then I wouldn't have to kill anymore? Sven: No more killing. ↗

— Kentaro Yabuki

#freedom

So where does the name Adam's apple come from? Most people say that it is from the notion that this bump was caused by the forbidden fruit getting stuck in the throat of Adam in the Garden of Eden. There is a problem with this theory because some Hebrew scholars believe that the forbidden fruit was the pomegranate. The Koran claims that the forbidden fruit was a banana. So take your pick---Adam's apple, Adam's pomegranate, Adam's banana. Eve clearly chewed before swallowing. ↗

— Mark Leyner

#funny #humorous #irony #relationships #funny

If a child shows himself to be incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate his kind. ↗

— Don Marquis

#humorous #incorrigible #age

Somebody has to be sane during regular business hours, and it's not going to be me, missy. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#business

Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she'd been on. The last PROPER date. Did fighting side by side with Saracen Rue count as a date? They ended up snuggling under the moonlight, drenched in gore and pieces of brain - so it had PROBABLY been a date. If it wasn't, it was certainly a fun time had by all. Well, not ALL. But she and Saracen had sure had a blast. ↗

— Derek Landy

#dating #flings #gore #humor #humorous

What was that about?' she demanded. 'His mother is practically gushing over you. Not to mention that he's holding your hand like it's the most natural thing in the world. Forget about dating - are you having a wedding you forgot to invite me to? ↗

— Rebecca Donovan

#dating