#humorous

Occasionally a moderately intelligent thought misses a turn and accidentally enters my mind ↗

— Barry Hughart

#intelligence

نصحته النصيحة الوحيدة الممكنة: تزوج.. لن تجهد بعد هذا في تذكر أين أمضيت ليلتك لأن زوجتك ستعرف.. لن تتساءل عن سبب تعاستك لأن زوجتك ستعرف.. الخلاصة أن كل مشاكلك المعنوية البلهاء ستتحول إلى كوارث مادية محترمة.. تذكر كيف كانوا قديما يعالجون مرضى الفصام بحقنهم بجراثيم الملاريا! ↗

— أحمد خالد توفيق

#marriage #humor

If the ties that bind ever do come loose If forever ever ends for you If that ring gets a little too tight You might as well read me my last rights. ↗

— The Band Perry

#music-lyrics #relationships #music

Well,' said Mrs. Erdleigh, speaking kindly, as if to a child who has proposed a game inevitably associated with the breakage of china, 'I know trouble will come of it if we do. ↗

— Anthony Powell

#music

All real estate agents should be put on a decommissioned naval frigate which is then towed out into the deepest part of the Atlantic and sunk. It's rather unfortunate that, in recent years, real estate agents have become comedy betes-noires. Rather like lawyers or used car salesmen. Every time they mention their job they probably get people amusingly making the sign of the cross at them or are subjected to some good-natured, humorous ribbing. This has the effect of distorting what I'm trying to say here, which isn't in the nature of a smiling roll of the eyes and a "Tsk, real estate agents, eh?" but rather "All real estate agents should be put on a decommissioned naval frigate which is then towed out into the deepest part of the Atlantic and sunk. ↗

— Mil Millington

#humorous-quotes #real-estate-agents #nature

From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?" "First I need a virgin. ↗

— Carl Hiaasen

#nature

Nature" doesn't really have intentions, per se. Nature is a drunk waking up from a weekend bender, ambling through a messy kitchen in a pair of mismatched slippers, seeing its car in the neighbor's pool and saying, "Ah good. It was dirty. Just the thing. ↗

— Pat Connid

#humor #humorous #humour #nature #nature

The ultimate downfall of the computerized holographic receptionist was that there was no amount of flattery, flirtation or chocolate that could convince one to lie for you. ↗

— Scott B. Pruden

#humorous-quotes #immaculate-deception #satire #science-fiction #science-fiction-comedy

I don't care how impossible it seems. ↗

— David Byrne

#david-byrne #humorous #inspirational #song #talking-heads

Writing is my passion, not my job. I need to write as much as I need to breathe, if not more. ↗

— A.E. Croft

#humorous #inspirational #writing #inspirational