#humorous

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-but-true #humor #humorous #humorous-quotes #funny

I never said nothing..." "I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humorous #funny

How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat? ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-humor #funny-satire #humor #humorist #humorous

There were, however, a few exceptions. One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough to pass out before any violent action proved necessary. He had been deposited, not very gently, on the lawn, where it was hoped that a hyena would give him a rude awakening. For all practical purposes he could, therefore, be regarded as absent. ↗

— Arthur C. Clarke

#drink #drunk #funny #humorous #funny

Tell them I have the headache--no, the plague! I need something nice and contagious. ↗

— Lauren Willig

#humorous-quotations #mystery #humor

We were encouraged to propose safetyprevention suggestions, and write them all down— locking doors, walking or exercising with a friend, wearing shoes that don’t hinder running. Erin’s suggestion of “Avoid assholes” was popular. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#girl-power #humorous #self-defense #humor

We're all secretly idiots inside. ↗

— -Sadiya

#humor

She spoke under her breath to Nick. "Is there a reason he's only wearing one sock?" "He puked on his foot." "Oh." She turned back to Huxley. "Can we get you another sock? Maybe a blanket or something? ↗

— Julie James

#humorous #humor

A massage is just like a movie, really relaxing and a total escape, except in a massage you're the star. And you don't miss anything by falling asleep! ↗

— Elizabeth Jane Howard

#relaxation #humor

Seedy wasn't a fair description for the place, because seeds imply eventual regrowth and renewal. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humorous #humor