#humorous

Magnanimous of you.' His mouth twitched. 'Mmm. Use more words like that, please. Schoolmistress words. Long, impressive ones.' He'd made the last three words sound like an innuendo. ↗

— Julie Anne Long

#humorous #humor

SHUT UP!...PADLE! ↗

— Ridley Pearson

#humor

Have you hugged your favorite Dork lately? Most of us are squeezably soft and adorable. ↗

— Michael P. Clutton

#humorous-quotations #humor

Shut up, you fool...Really. I’m running out of things to throw at you. ↗

— K.M. Parr

#humor

Does my grandma count as a bodyguard? ↗

— Holly Hood

#humor

I don't think I'd want Mickey Mouse pimping for me anyway. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#humour #humor

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. ↗

— Mark Twain

#dark-humor #funny #humorous #killing #funny

Knock-knock, motherfucker. ↗

— Jenny Lawson

#humor

Listen carefully, Lucas Steele, because I will only say this once. I am NOT your mate, I will never be your mate, and if you ever put your hands on me again I will cut them off along with other body parts you might want to use one day. Got it?" Jacque told him with as much force as she could put behind her words. ↗

— Quinn Loftis

#humorous #jacque #prince-of-wolves #warewolves #humor

On being told he is "disgustingly drunk".. "My dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#humor