#humorous

A true Vor, Miles told himself severely, does not bury his face in his liegewoman's breasts and cry--even if he is at a convenient height for it. ↗

— Lois McMaster Bujold

#miles #vorkosigan #humor

In Russia, as I sat there day after day wearing headphones, listening to the interpreter struggle to make our words relevant, I wondered if we could establish meaningful rapport with a nation that had never seen raisins dance in dark glasses on TV...never had a garage sale. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor

Throughout life try to remember...to always keep your head up high and your middle finger higher! ↗

— Timothy Pina

#humor

I should think this a gull, but that the white-bearded fellow speaks it; knavery cannot, sure, hide himself in such reverence. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#humor

It's just going to add to him thinking that I am a crazy, wanky, greenie, hybriddriving hippie," I complained. "Has he seen your bomb of a car?" Fran asked in disbelief. "Greenpeace arranges a protest every time it leaves your driveway. ↗

— Sean Kennedy

#humor

And now Kit’s cock—which had mostly been used for taking a leak before that moment—woke up and screamed I WANT! FEED ME ASSHOLE! And Kit had given it a good handshake until it threw up. ↗

— Amy Lane

#masturbation #nsfw #humor

Have you ever noticed that folks will say ‘Look, he has his mama’s eyes’ or ‘his daddy’s nose,’ but they never say ‘We’re so proud! Look! He’s hung just like grampa’?” - Zach McKnight ↗

— Suzie Quint

#humor

And I'll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer. And should there be children from your beastly rutting, I shall have the Russian man cut them to tiny pieces and feed them to Madame Jacob's dog. because, although he may be only a worthless, simpleminded, libertine artist, Lucien is my favorite, and I will not have him hurt. Do you understand? ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

Talk about insanity. Being attracted to deVries was like a month saying, "Hey, let's go check out that awesome bonfire". ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#humor

And what is better than wisedoom (wisdom)? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing From Canterbury Tales ↗

— Geoffrey Chaucer

#humor