#humour

Wash: This landing is gonna get pretty interesting. Mal: Define "interesting". Wash: "Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die"? Mal [on speakerphone]: This is the captain: we have a little problem with our entry sequence so we may experience some slight turbulence, then explode. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#firefly #humour #experience

If you’re calling her a floozy, I’m by way of being a bit of a floozy myself.” “Oh, Jared,” said Kami, who was well aware of his romantic experience, or total lack thereof. “You are not.” “Well, I have floozy ambitions. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#jared-lynburn #experience

My second thought was to fire a gunshot, but the last time I did that his security robots jumped me. It only takes one cavity search by a robot to convince you that’s an experience you don’t want to have twice. This called for a more subtle approach. ↗

— John Zakour

#humour #search #experience

Lussurioso: "Welcome, be not far off, we must be better acquainted. Push, be bold with us, thy hand!" Vindice: "With all my heart, i'faith. How dost, sweet musk-cat? When shall we lie together?" Lussurioso: (aside) "Wondrous knave! Gather him into boldness? 'Sfoot, the slave's Already as familiar as an ague, And shakes me at his pleasure! -- Friend, I can Forget myself in private, but elsewhere, I pray do you remember be." Vindice: "Oh, very well, sir. I conster myself saucy." Lussurioso: "What hast been? What profession?" Vindice: "A bone-setter." Lussurioso: "A bone-setter!" Vindice: "A bawd, my lord, one that sets bones together." Lussurioso: (aside) "Notable bluntness! ↗

— Thomas Middleton

#humour #faith

Mother, who has an absolute belief that it is not the cards that one is dealt in life, it is how one plays them, is, by far, the highest card I was dealt. ↗

— Kay Redfield Jamison

#humour #love #family

The church has never been asked to explain anything, our speciality, along with ballistics, has always been the neutralisation of the overly curious mind through faith. ↗

— José Saramago

#philosophy #religion #faith

The man behind the check-in counter gives the impression that he has just axe-murdered the motel's owner (and family, and family pet) and is going through these procedures of hostelry so as not to arouse suspicion. ↗

— Paul Quarrington

#humour #murder #receptionists #family

I can just imagine what the humidity has done to my hair. I'm going to meet your family looking like a poodle with a live wire shoved up its butt." - Paige Winterbourne ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humour #paige-winterbourne #family

I have been told by the third grade teacher that my daughter Poppet is reading at middle school level. Yet if I leave Poppet a note in block letters telling her to feed the dogs I will come home to find the dogs have been ... given a swim in the above-ground pool, dressed in tutus, provided with hair weaves. What I will not find is that the dogs have been fed. 'I thought you wanted me to free the dogs,' says Poppet whose school district is not spending quite what D.C.'s is, thanks to voter rejection of the last school bond referendum. ↗

— P.J. O'Rourke

#dogs #feeding #freedom #humour #middle-school

Jake's in trouble.' Luca rolled his eyes. 'What now?' 'He's gone off somewhere, I think I know where, and I don't think it's good.' 'Cant that boy ever stay in and watch telly like the rest of us? ↗

— Sharon Sant

#friendship #humour #science-fiction #series #urban-fantasy