#humour

Don’t take this the wrong way, but you smell like Magnus. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#smelling-like-magnus #wrong

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#telekinetics #believe

The mighty hunter,” I quipped as we snuck out the backdoor, escaping into the yard. “He can take down vicious rabids and rampaging boars, but one old lady can make him flee in terror.” “One scary old lady,” he corrected me, looking relieved to be out of the house. “You didn’t hear what she told me when I got up — you’re so cute I could put you in a pie. Tell me that’s not the creepiest thing you’ve ever heard.” His voice climbed a few octaves, turning shrill and breathy. “Today for dessert, we have apple pie, blueberry pie and Ezekiel pie. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#zeke-and-allie #terrorism

Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that's where it should stay. ↗

— Christopher Hitchens

#christopher-hitchens #humour #literature #writing #write

There's a time and place for everything, and I believe it’s called 'fan fiction'. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#fanfiction #fantasy #humour #fantasy

Whatever, crazy chick who maybe lives here and maybe also breaks into Michael's house when they're all gone. I'm out. Have a nice delusion. -Shayne ↗

— Rachel Caine

#delusion #humour #morganville-vampires #ghost

Does it give you déjà voodoo how alike the houses are?" "That's déjà vu, and I hate you right now ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humour #ghost

Sure you can manage that broom, Potter?" said a cold, drawling voice. Draco Malfoy had arrived for a closer look, Crabbe and Goyle right behind him. "Yeah, reckon so," said Harry casually. "Got plenty of special features, hasn't it?" said Malfoy, eyes glittering maliciously. "Shame it doesn't come with a parachute - in case you get too near a Dementor." Crabbe and Goyle sniggered. "Pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours, Malfoy," said Harry. "Then it could catch the Snitch for you. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humour #snitch #prison

Cat, you asked me before to find out if those dream -suppression pills had any side effects. I’ve checked with Pathology, and they said you might experience depression, mood swings, irritability, paranoia, and chronic fatigue. Have you noticed any of that? ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humour #urban-fantasy #dreams

(Kaylee) Tell me I'm pretty, Wash. (Wash) Were I unwed I would take you in a manly fashion. (kaylee) Because I'm pretty? (Wash) Because you're pretty. ↗

— Brett Matthews

#firefly #humour #fashion