#humour

Aragorn: Gentlemen! We do not stop 'til nightfall. Pippin: But what about breakfast? Aragorn: You've already had it. Pippin: We've had one, yes. But what about second breakfast? [Aragorn stares at him, then walks off.] Merry: Don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip. Pippin: What about elevensies? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn't he? Merry: I wouldn't count on it Pip. ↗

— Peter Jackson

#lord-of-the-rings-movie #movies

...and - holy shit was this song bad. It was like the singer was stabbing my ear with a dagger made of dried turds. ↗

— David Wong

#bad-rap #criticism #humour #music #music

Yeah, you're a regular Mozart...well, except for the whole music thing. ↗

— James Dashner

#music #music

I’d spend hours in HMVs, Virgin Megastores and second-hand record shops staffed by greasy-haired 40-year-olds dressed as 20-year-olds, listening to contemporary music of every genre – Britrock, heavy maiden, gang rap, brakebeat. And I came to a startling but unshakeable conclusion: no genuinely good music has been created since 1988. ↗

— Alan Partridge

#music #music

Well, more or less, you just got struck by lightning." "Wait, what?" My brain stopped processing for a prolonged moment unable to wrap around that one. How the hell had that happened? "So basically I was filled with 1.21 jiggawatts? Can I travel through time now? ↗

— Elizabeth Sharp

#humor #humour #nature

On the drive up here, I saw a goose," he says. "A Canada goose. Fred told me they shit something horrible. They migrate between the north and the south, don't they? Like seniors. ↗

— Brian Francis

#mother-in-law #nature

Go! Go! Go! Go!' said that officer, with an expression as though he considered our Cap an individual of the animal kingdom whom neither Buffon nor any other natural philosopher had ever classified, and who, as a creature of unknown habits, might sometimes be dangerous. ↗

— E.D.E.N. Southworth

#humour #nature

You - it's your nature - you are an incorrigible madcap! You bewitch a poor wretch until he doesn't know his head from his heels - puts his feet into his hat and covers his scalp with his boots! You are a will-o'-the-wisp who lures a poor fellow on through woods, bogs and briars, until you land him in the quicksands! You whirl him around and around until he grows dizzy and delirious, and talks at random, and then you'd have him called out, you blood-thirsty little vixen! I tell you, Cousin Cap, if I were to take up all the quarrels your hoydenism might lead me into, I should have nothing else to do! ↗

— E.D.E.N. Southworth

#funny #humor #humour #nature

The name of the new religion," said Rumfoord, "is The Church of God the Utterly Indifferent. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#religion

I am one of those servants – butlers usually – who respectfully points out when their master is about to do something stupid: "You should probably only burn the document once the blackmail has been completed, m' lady. ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#humour #respect