#humour

I am never taking a trip with either of you ever again.' Eve said. 'Ever.' Excellent' Shane said. 'Then next trip, we hit the strip bar.' I have a gun, Shane,' Eve sighed. What, you think i actually loaded yours?' Eve flipped him off, and Claire laughed. (Kiss of Death, pg 301) ↗

— Rachel Caine

#death

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive. ↗

— Roman Payne

#death #dying #funny #humor #humour

Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#family

You curse a lot." "Fuck you - I hardly curse at all. ↗

— Tere Michaels

#humour #faith

Spiritually the jugs may be graduated thus: Just below the shoulder of the first bottle, serious and concentrated conversation. Two inches farther down, sweetly sad memory. Three inches more, thoughts of old and satisfactory loves. An inch, thoughts of old and bitter loves. Bottom of the first jug, general and undirected sadness. Shoulder of the second jug, black, unholy despondency. Two fingers down, a song of death or longing. A thumb, every other song each one knows. The graduation stops here, for the trail splits and there is no certainty. From this point on, anything can happen. ↗

— John Steinbeck

#death

This was how I would die. Strangled by an attractive, seminaked woman inside a fridge with a giant tarantula in the middle of a sea of carnivorous jam. As I blacked out, all I could think of was a fortune teller I'd spoken to a few years ago, and how full of shit she'd turned out to be. ↗

— Yahtzee Croshaw

#death #dying #hindsight #humour #death

If you count sheep before you go to sleep, are you barrrrr'd from dreams? ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#humour #sleeping #dreams

Wash: This landing is gonna get pretty interesting. Mal: Define "interesting". Wash: "Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die"? Mal [on speakerphone]: This is the captain: we have a little problem with our entry sequence so we may experience some slight turbulence, then explode. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#firefly #humour #experience

If you’re calling her a floozy, I’m by way of being a bit of a floozy myself.” “Oh, Jared,” said Kami, who was well aware of his romantic experience, or total lack thereof. “You are not.” “Well, I have floozy ambitions. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#jared-lynburn #experience

I often wonder why the whole world is so prone to generalise. Generalisations are seldom if ever true and are usually utterly inaccurate. ↗

— Agatha Christie

#humour #hypocrisy #thoughts #hypocrisy