#humour

The English language is like London: proudly barbaric yet deeply civilised, too, common yet royal, vulgar yet processional, sacred yet profane. Each sentence we produce, whether we know it or not, is a mongrel mouthful of Chaucerian, Shakespearean, Miltonic, Johnsonian, Dickensian and American. Military, naval, legal, corporate, criminal, jazz, rap and ghetto discourses are mingled at every turn. The French language, like Paris, has attempted, through its Academy, to retain its purity, to fight the advancing tides of Franglais and international prefabrication. English, by comparison, is a shameless whore. ↗

— Stephen Fry

#french #humour #language #london #paris

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#telekinetics #believe

The mighty hunter,” I quipped as we snuck out the backdoor, escaping into the yard. “He can take down vicious rabids and rampaging boars, but one old lady can make him flee in terror.” “One scary old lady,” he corrected me, looking relieved to be out of the house. “You didn’t hear what she told me when I got up — you’re so cute I could put you in a pie. Tell me that’s not the creepiest thing you’ve ever heard.” His voice climbed a few octaves, turning shrill and breathy. “Today for dessert, we have apple pie, blueberry pie and Ezekiel pie. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#zeke-and-allie #terrorism

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. ↗

— David Letterman

#president

Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#democracy #humour #politics #democracy

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#democracy

Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives. ↗

— Amy Sedaris

#paraphrased #influence

Kaede: I know this, ungrateful dog. In order to find the sacred jewel shards, Kagome's spirtual power is essential. Yet ye made her upset with your words an sent her running home InuYasha: That was her idea! she chose to go home! She said: "I'm going home! You jerk!" Kaede: InuYasha, that imitation was pathetic. InuYasha: I'm a demon, not a comedian! ↗

— Rumiko Takahashi

#inuyasha #kaede #kagome #manga #dog

Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that's where it should stay. ↗

— Christopher Hitchens

#christopher-hitchens #humour #literature #writing #write

There's a time and place for everything, and I believe it’s called 'fan fiction'. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#fanfiction #fantasy #humour #fantasy