#humour

Don’t take this the wrong way, but you smell like Magnus. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#smelling-like-magnus #wrong

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#telekinetics #believe

The mighty hunter,” I quipped as we snuck out the backdoor, escaping into the yard. “He can take down vicious rabids and rampaging boars, but one old lady can make him flee in terror.” “One scary old lady,” he corrected me, looking relieved to be out of the house. “You didn’t hear what she told me when I got up — you’re so cute I could put you in a pie. Tell me that’s not the creepiest thing you’ve ever heard.” His voice climbed a few octaves, turning shrill and breathy. “Today for dessert, we have apple pie, blueberry pie and Ezekiel pie. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#zeke-and-allie #terrorism

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. ↗

— David Letterman

#president

Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#democracy #humour #politics #democracy

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#democracy

Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives. ↗

— Amy Sedaris

#paraphrased #influence

I am who I am and that's who I am ↗

— Nikolai Gogol

#reality #present

He wants as many victors as possible for the cameras to follow in the Capitol. Thinks it makes for better television." "Are you and Beetee going?" I ask. "As many young and attractive victors as possible," Haymitch corrects himself. "So, no. We'll be here. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#humour #katniss-everdeen #television

I'd blow someone for a valium," I said in Jacob's ear. "Maybe he's got one... but try offering a hand-job first so you retain some leverage. ↗

— Jordan Castillo Price

#television