#humour

I won't consider getting horizontal with someone I can barely tolerate when we're vertical. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#sex-humour #funny

Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting. ↗

— Derek Landy

#funny #girl #gracious #humour #hunting

What’s your favourite position?” “I usually play winger.” “Zach, I adore you, but you can’t make soccer jokes during phone sex. It just isn’t done. ↗

— Tiffany Reisz

#funny #humour #funny

Dell had left the army and taken the discipline home with him. I’d left the theatre world and taken the whisky sodas home with me. ↗

— Mark Capell

#drink #humour #liquor #home

To talk well and eloquently is a very great art, but that an equally great one is to know the right moment to stop. ↗

— Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

#humour #speech #art

But even if they could go home it would be difficult for me to tell you what the moral of the story is. In some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears', for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house". The moral of 'Snow White' is "Never eat apples". The moral of World War One is "Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#morals #home

I'm too young, too smart and too good-looking to die. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humour #humor

Rhett: If you've made up your mind to impale someone, do it with conviction. ↗

— Rowena Cherry

#fantasy #futuristic #humor #humour #rhett

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I lied, I like your Star Wars sheets, you're not that bad of a driver, and I swear on my Very Cherry lip gloss that I will never lie to you again. ↗

— Gemma Halliday

#humour #humor

Not going to walk me to the door?" I asked, pretending to be shocked at his lack of gallantry. "Of course I am. many would think that a bonny lass such as yerself wouldst be able to stay out of trouble for a distance of fifteen feet, but I know better." "Did you just use the words yerself and wouldst in the same sentence? You can't be a pirate and a courtier at the same time, Dev. It just isn't done. ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#humor #humour #humor