#humour

Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch. ↗

— Lili St. Crow

#funny-as-hell #funny-quotes #funny-stuff #humor #humor-work

You hit me again," I said, growing oddly annoyed. "Ya think?" Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass. "Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humour #humor

I'm sorry I'm so pathetic," he thought, and then realized he had also said it. Beth laughed, so lightly and so kindly that Denis felt it in his chest, not his stomach. Can I tell you a secret?" Yes, tell me all your secrets Denis kept to himself. Beth leaned in, whispered: "All boys are pathetic. ↗

— Larry Doyle

#humour #love #love

We can’t all be Byronic adventurers like you Jude. Have you been wrestling with any brigands in the mountains there?” “No, but you’ve got to watch the drivers! Funny you should mention the poetic lord. He used to take his holidays down here, you know?” “What… picking up last-minute bargains with ‘EasyFrigate’? ↗

— Paul Alkazraji

#humour #lord-byron #funny

I know the human being and fish can co-exist peacefully. ↗

— George W. Bush

#dumb #fish #gaffe #george-bush #human

He awoke at six, as usual. He needed no alarm clock. He was already comprehensively alarmed. ↗

— Martin Amis

#humour #humor

The waiter approached. 'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?' 'Huh?' said Ford. 'Huh?' said Arthur. 'Huh?' said Trillian. 'That’s cool,' said Zaphod. 'We'll meet the meat. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humour #humor

Rose took my nose, I suppose,” he repeated; the bubble of phlegm in his throat made a disgusting crackle. “And it really blows. ↗

— James Dashner

#humor #humour #rose-took-my-nose #the-scorch-trials #humor

Will I have to use a dictionary to read your book?" asked Mrs. Dodypol. "It depends," says I, "how much you used the dictionary before you read it. ↗

— Alexander Theroux

#humor #humour #literature #reading #vocabulary

You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain. ↗

— Jefferson Smith

#belief #credibility #fantasy #gullibility #humor