#humour

And I'm not saying it's a bad song, you know, or anything like that. All I'm saying is that if you get, I don't know, a broom, say, and dip it in some brake fluid, put the other end up my arse, stick me on a trampoline in a moving lift, and I would write a better song on the walls. That's all I'm saying. ↗

— Dylan Moran

#dylan #funk-soul-brother #humor #humour #moran

Charm is often despised but I can never see why. No one has it who isn't capable of genuinely liking others, at least at the actual moment of meeting and speaking. Charm is always genuine; it may be superficial but it isn't false. ↗

— P.D. James

#false #genuine #humor #humour #theo

All right." He straightened up and seemed to be true to his promise to let it go. "I will be a man about this." That lasted until he saw the scratches on the hood from the mountain lion and the front fender, Where Abigail had dragged it off the driveway. Wailing, he went to it and sank to his knees. He sprawled over the hood and laid his head on the damaged fender. "I'm so sorry, Bets. I should of hidden the keys. Booted your tires. Something. I had know idea anyone would hurt you so, baby. I swear I'll never let anyone hurt you again. Ayyy, how could they do this to you? How? Oh the humanity!

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humour #humor

I shot him a look. "That bouncer was really big." His lips quirked. "Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things." "What?" The grin spread. "I would say size doesn't matter but it does. I would know." he winked, and I let out a disgusted groan. He laughed. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#humor #humorous #humour #funny

Have you tried talking to her?" "No, we've been punching her repeatedly in the face instead. Why, do you think that won't work? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #sarcasm #simon-lewis #sarcasm

You are not the first, and will not be the last, to say so. I wear my “warped” label with pride. ↗

— Jessica Park

#love

There's nothing deeper than love. In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes. In real life,the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs. ↗

— Paulo Coelho

#cynical #humour #love #ugly-truths #life

Then the syncretist Ficino, sitting hunched with Lorenzo standing at his side, put all the ideas together, along with Lorenzo's new song: chariots blazing between the worlds as gods fought rebel gods, the destruction of a city -- a planet? -- by fire, beasts beyond imagining both to terrify and befriend the heroes. "It needs a title," Signorina Scala said. Pulci had his mouth open, but Ficino beat him to the pun. "It shall be dedicated to Isis and Mars," he said, "and we will call it Stella Martis. ↗

— John M. Ford

#john-m-ford #star-wars #the-dragon-waiting #imagination

Honestly I don't know why i have these parties" "Because of your cat" "That's true. Chairman Meow deserves my every effort ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-bones #humourous #magnus-bane #magnus-bane

An old joke has an Oxford professor meeting an American former graduate student and asking him what he's working on these days. 'My thesis is on the survival of the class system in the United States.' 'Oh really, that's interesting: one didn't think there was a class system in the United States.' 'Nobody does. That's how it survives. ↗

— Christopher Hitchens

#humour #joke #united-states #united-states