#humour

At least Kyle wasn't home. That would be a hard one to explain to his new roomate. Nobody liked a guy who kept blood in the fridge. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-fallen-angels #humour #jace-wayland #simon-lewis #jace-wayland

I had always been warned that American didn't always get sarcasm ↗

— Lindsey Kelk

#humour #new-york-city #new-york-city

You’re so damn big,” she whispered. “Why, thank you cariño,” he said. ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#humour #erotic-romance

What kind of slut do you think I am?” Theo bumped his hips against hers. “This might not be the best moment to ask me that. ↗

— Annabel Joseph

#erotic-romance #humour #erotic-romance

There's one thing you don't put in a trap, if you're smart, if you value your continued existance, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never ever put in a trap. And what would that be sir? Me ↗

— Russell T. Davies

#humour #doctor-who

Sometimes this just happens,” Kylie said, much calmer now that she had a sneak preview of his comeuppance. “Just happens?” Burnett bellowed out. “Are you freaking kidding me! If you have sex, you use protection. It’s that simple. This shit doesn’t have to happen! This is nothing but carelessness. It’s irresponsible. It’s unforgivable.” “Burnett!” Holiday rolled her eyes at Kylie and frowned. The fae knew exactly what Kylie was up to now. But Kylie wasn’t finished yet. “Maybe we should put a rule in place. Any male who impregnates a girl should be neutered.” “Enough,” Holiday snapped. “Actually, that’s not a bad plan!” he growled. “Burnett!” Holiday said in a stern voice. “Shut up before you embarrass yourself more than you already have.” When the vampire looked at Holiday, she continued, “Kylie didn’t buy the pregnancy tests for Miranda. She bought them for me.” Kylie flopped back against the seat again, enjoying the look of disbelief on the vampire’s face a little too much. “Would you like a name of a good doctor who will schedule your little snip-snip operation?” she bit out. ↗

— C.C. Hunter

#humour #kylie #pregnancy-test #sex-precaution #doctor-who

Amy: Pond and her boys . . . my poncho boys. If we're going to die, let's die looking like a peruvian folk band. ↗

— Simon Nye

#humour #doctor-who

I was in Cancun, Mexico, sitting in a disappearing-edge swimming pool, on a bar stool that was actually under the water, watching palm trees sway in a sultry breeze against the unmistakable aqua splendor of the Caribbean Sea; drinking coconut, lime, and tequila from a scooped-out pineapple, with salt spray of breaking surf and sun kissing my skin. Translation: I'd died and gone to heaven. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#the-sun-watches-the-sun

He had them as spellbound as a room full of Ewoks listening to C-3PO. ↗

— Cory Doctorow

#humour #robots #scifi #spellbinding #star-wars

My parents' divorce left me with a lot of sadness and pain and acting, and especially humour, was my way of dealing with all that. ↗

— Jennifer Aniston

#dealing #divorce #especially #humour #left