#humour

Oh—and you need to work on making my opinion more important than Josh’s, too. I know it’s a stretch—he’s your most intimate relationship to date, but when you’re balls deep in my ass, I’d prefer you not be wondering if it counts as a workout. ↗

— Amy Lane

#dating

I’ll always be your friend,” he said. “Your best friend, if you let me. But I want to be your lover, too.” He groaned and shifted in his chair. “Soon. I want to be that soon.” Then a look came over him. “Oh Gina…I didn’t even court you! God, I should date you first before I beg you to take off your clothes! ↗

— Robyn Carr

#funny #humour #romance #romantic #dating

All he'd done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up. Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life. ↗

— Tara Janzen

#humour #romance #romantic-suspense #dating

Can we all just stop being dicks?! ↗

— Adam Hills

#life-advice #life

Sometimes I think about dying. And then I wonder about going to hell. And then I think that if and when I go there, the place will be completely organized and run by lost souls, with a council and a works committee and an ethics panel, and I'll feel right at home. ↗

— Charles Sheffield

#government #hell #humour #death

Good taste is death. Vulgarity is life. ↗

— Mary Quant

#humourous #death

Death by creaming ↗

— Yvonne Leishman

#death

I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things. ↗

— Karl Pilkington

#ageing #death #discrimination #humour #life

Insomnia I cannot get to sleep tonight. I toss and turn and flop. I try to count some fluffy sheep while o'er a fence they hop. I try to think of pleasant dreams of places really cool. I don't know why I cannot sleep - I slept just fine at school. ↗

— Kathy Kenney-Marshall

#humour #insomnia #school #sleep #dreams

Take it!" he snarled, hurling the diamond necklace across the table at his opponent. "And may you rot in hell with it!" "I should not dream of intruding upon you there," replied Mr Brundy, bowing deeply from the waist. ↗

— Sheri Cobb South

#humour #dreams