#humour

The church has never been asked to explain anything, our speciality, along with ballistics, has always been the neutralisation of the overly curious mind through faith. ↗

— José Saramago

#philosophy #religion #faith

don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male ↗

— Keisha Keenleyside

#humour #random #funny

I’m not aspiring to be someone else – If I’m me for the rest of my life then so be it ↗

— Terry Lander

#comedy #funny #humour #inspiration #life

He was silent for a moment, staring out the window into the rain; I imagined he was contemplating the fact that his family's presence was turning the locals into giant dogs. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#family

The man behind the check-in counter gives the impression that he has just axe-murdered the motel's owner (and family, and family pet) and is going through these procedures of hostelry so as not to arouse suspicion. ↗

— Paul Quarrington

#humour #murder #receptionists #family

I can just imagine what the humidity has done to my hair. I'm going to meet your family looking like a poodle with a live wire shoved up its butt." - Paige Winterbourne ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humour #paige-winterbourne #family

I was much affected by the internal troubles of the Punch family; I thought that with a little more tact on the part of Mrs. Punch and some restraint held over a temper, naturally violent, by Mr. Punch, a great deal of this sad misunderstanding might have been prevented. ↗

— Edmund Gosse

#irony #family

I have been told by the third grade teacher that my daughter Poppet is reading at middle school level. Yet if I leave Poppet a note in block letters telling her to feed the dogs I will come home to find the dogs have been ... given a swim in the above-ground pool, dressed in tutus, provided with hair weaves. What I will not find is that the dogs have been fed. 'I thought you wanted me to free the dogs,' says Poppet whose school district is not spending quite what D.C.'s is, thanks to voter rejection of the last school bond referendum. ↗

— P.J. O'Rourke

#dogs #feeding #freedom #humour #middle-school

Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in the dark and fall down laughing at themselves. I know which kind of guy I'd rather be. So do my friends. ↗

— Spider Robinson

#comedy #friendship #humour #sf #friendship

Jake's in trouble.' Luca rolled his eyes. 'What now?' 'He's gone off somewhere, I think I know where, and I don't think it's good.' 'Cant that boy ever stay in and watch telly like the rest of us? ↗

— Sharon Sant

#friendship #humour #science-fiction #series #urban-fantasy