#humour

Lord, my hands were made for blessing, but not my feet! ↗

— Giovannino Guareschi

#don-camillo #humour #italy #priesthood #catholicism

It's hard to maintain a reputation for being grim and mysterious when you're accompanied by a brightly clad young thing, skipping merrily along at your side, holding your hand, and smiling sweetly on one and all. ↗

— Simon R. Green

#irony #irony

It's a shame that we have to choose between two such second-rate countries as the USSR and the USA. ↗

— Jorge Luis Borges

#united-states #ussr #united-states

Many people find bald, unvarnished truths so disturbing, they prefer to ram their heads in the sand and start dreaming at the first sign of scientific reality. ↗

— Charlie Brooker

#science #dreams

Move your hands, Morgan,” he commanded. “It hurts!” she protested. “It’s supposed to. ↗

— Cara Bristol

#erotic-romance #humour #erotic-romance

Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives. ↗

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

#humour #romance #young-adult #young-adult-romance #funny

A million possible endearments ran through his head. But he said, “Help. ↗

— Robyn Carr

#funny #humour #romance #funny

Torture?” she asked with a laugh. “My first piece of information I’ll divulge to you? I wouldn’t recommend trying to torture me. I dislike it and grow sulky under pincers. It’s a fault. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#humour #humor

Okay, guys. Stop it. Are you going to start peeing on me to mark your territory? ↗

— Maegan Lynn Moores

#humour #jealousy #men #humor

What would your shoes say about the things you do everyday? ↗

— Sherley Mondesir-Prescott

#children #children-s-books #humor #humour #illustrated-books