#humour

I don't know if you've ever been covered head to toe in prickle bush, but let me tell you, it's not a pleasant experience, as I'm sure you can imagine. ↗

— Elizabeth Newton

#fiction #humour #sci-fi #science-fiction #train

Why couldn't Rachel be a little more specific about the type of person she was? Goodness knew; if she were a hippie I'd talk to her about her drug experiences, the zodiac, tarot cards. If she were left-wing I'd look miserable, hate Greece, and eat baked beans straight from the tin. If she were the sporty type I'd play her at... chess and backgammon and things. ↗

— Martin Amis

#sport #experience

I often wonder why the whole world is so prone to generalise. Generalisations are seldom if ever true and are usually utterly inaccurate. ↗

— Agatha Christie

#humour #hypocrisy #thoughts #hypocrisy

Think before you speak, unless it's urgent ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#famous-quotes #humour #life #love #relationship

don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male ↗

— Keisha Keenleyside

#humour #random #funny

I was much affected by the internal troubles of the Punch family; I thought that with a little more tact on the part of Mrs. Punch and some restraint held over a temper, naturally violent, by Mr. Punch, a great deal of this sad misunderstanding might have been prevented. ↗

— Edmund Gosse

#irony #family

Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in the dark and fall down laughing at themselves. I know which kind of guy I'd rather be. So do my friends. ↗

— Spider Robinson

#comedy #friendship #humour #sf #friendship

This Earle of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his returne the Queen welcomed him home, and sayd, My Lord, I had forgott the Fart. ↗

— John Aubrey

#humour #home

Think of the most fussy science teacher you ever had. The one who docked your grade if the sixth decimal place in your answer was rounded incorrectly; who tucked in his periodic table T-shirt, corrected every student who said "weight" when he or she meant "mass", and made everyone, including himself, wear goggles even while mixing sugar water. Now try to imagine someone whom your teacher would hate for being anal-retentive. That is the kind of person who works for a bureau of standards and measurement. ↗

— Sam Kean

#humour #science #imagination

The gods damn you, look what you've done! If I want to grow this back, I'll have to endure the most terrifying sex imaginable! Gaahhhhhhh! ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#imagination