#ill

What cracks me up is people who think I don't take baseball seriously. It's the most important thing in my life. They don't know how hard it is for me to get a bad game out of my mind. I still can't, but I'm getting better. ↗

— Brady Anderson

#bad game #baseball #better #cracks #game

As the middle child of the Laurel Canyon Adams Family, Whit was surprisingly chill on the subject of ampire-vays. ↗

— Beth Bloom

#funny #humor #pig-latin #silly #vampire

Flushed with the explosive shit of a sumo wrestler who ate Mexican food. ↗

— Hillary Frank

#hillary-frank #i-can-t-tell-you #mexican-food #wrestler #food

Little boy and little girl.I don't know how old. Sweetest family in the world, of you listen to the old folks around here." Xander was stunned. "And nobody knows what happened to them?" "Some say they high-tailed it to Europe." She raised her eyebrows at him. "Most believe he took them somewhere and killed them. Then took his own life." Dad forced a smile. "Just old rumors," he said. ↗

— Robert Liparulo

#life #xander #family

Now I start my diary of my personal plot to kill by pistol either Richard Nixon or George Wallace. ↗

— Arthur Bremer

#either #george #i #kill #nixon

To explain the matter I will employ a simile, which yet, I confess is very dissimilar; but its dissimilitude is greatly in favour of my sentiments. A rich man bestows, on a poor and famishing beggar, alms by which he may be able to maintain himself and his family. Does it cease to be a pure gift, because the beggar extends his hand to receive it? Can it be said with propriety, that 'the alms depended partly on THE LIBERALITY of the Donor, and partly on THE LIBERTY of the Receiver,' though the latter would not have possessed the alms unless he had received it by stretching out his hand? Can it be correctly said, BECAUSE THE BEGGAR IS ALWAYS PREPARED TO RECEIVE, that 'he can have the alms, or not have it, just as he pleases?' If these assertions cannot be truly made about a beggar who receives alms, how much less can they be made about the gift of faith, for the receiving of which far more acts of Divine Grace are required! ↗

— James Arminius

#calvinism #christianity #free-will #irresistible-grace #prevenient-grace

Funny thing- Morgenstern's folk's were named Max and Valerie and his father was a doctor. ↗

— William Goldman

#family #funny #miracle-max #s-morgenstern #the-princess-bride

I pee whilst seated. But it’s hard to focus with people honking at me.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #random #random-thought #silly

Stop using him, and start protecting him. I know he thinks he doesn't need it, but sometimes he does. Sometimes we all do. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#family #frank-collins #ghost-town #growing-up #morganville-vampires

Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries. ↗