#joke

Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. ↗

— Gillian Flynn

#burping #cheap-beer #cool-girls #dirty-jokes #gang-bang

I didn't pretend to know Eli at all, but even so, I'd noticed that his manner was slightly hard to read. It was something in the way he talked that made it difficult to tell whether he was kidding or serious or what. This bothered me. Or intrigued me. Or both. ↗

— Sarah Dessen Along for the Ride

#difficuly #feelings #infatuation #intrigue #joke

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? ↗

— Rita Rudner

#feeling #get #god #joke #men

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you. ↗

— Wanda Sykes

#come #couple #cut #cutting #deep

Everybody I know is a joke writer. ↗

— Ron White

#i #joke #know #writer

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me. ↗

— Robert Frost

#forgive #great #i #joke #jokes

We were watching the first series recently, and it has a charm, a kind of amateur charm. At that point we didn't involve ourselves technically at all - we just messed about and told our jokes - and it looks a bit like that. ↗

— Jennifer Saunders

#amateur #bit #charm #first #involve

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much. ↗

— Don Adams

#been #child #child support #i #joke

The moment you think of a joke is the best moment. ↗

— Judd Apatow

#joke #moment #think #you

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes. ↗

— Dave Attell

#first #hard #joke #minutes #sometimes