#men

Grinning is something you do when you're entertained in some way, such as watching one you don't care for spill soda all over themselves. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #grinning #humorous #funny

Didn't you finish your chemistry in school?" "You closed the school and burnt all the books." "Ah, so I did. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#funny #monsters-of-men #funny

Cara: *Flies* Gen: What? I don't have wings! Cara: Ofcourse not! You're a boy. ↗

— Jim Henson

#funny #the-dark-crystal #wings #women-power #funny

It’s all about control. Control is illusory. No matter what university you go to, no matter what degree you hold, if your goal is to become master of your own destiny, you have more to learn. Parkinson’s is a perfect metaphor for lack of control. Every unwanted movement in my hand or arm, every twitch that I cannot anticipate or arrest, is a reminder that even in the domain of my own being, I am not calling the shots. I tried to exert control by drinking myself to a place of indifference, which just exacerbated the sense of miserable hopelessness. ↗

— Michael J. Fox

#improvement #parkinson-s #funny

Behind every successful woman, there's a big prick. ↗

— James Patterson

#men #success #funny

She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny. ↗

— Elizabeth Gaskell

#funny-and-random #mothers #names #sobriquet #sons

I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment. ↗

— Bauvard

#cynicism #disillusionment #funny #growing-up #humor

The traditional rapist is a reluctant husband, but an eager honeymooner. The modern woman is a reluctant honeymooner, but an eager ring bearer. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #rape #women #funny

He’s bound to have done something,” Nobby repeated. In this he was echoing the Patrician’s view of crime and punishment. If there was a crime, there should be punishment. If the specific criminal should be involved in the punishment process then this was a happy accident, but if not then any criminal would do, and since everyone was undoubtedly guilty of something, the net result was that, in general terms, justice was done. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#ethics #funny #justice #punishment #funny

Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing." Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#cam #funny #haha #jennifer-l-armentrout #lol