#mo

I was just turned last week. I'm a librarian." He stilled, as if I'd just told him I was the inventor of the tube top. "I watched a movie about a librarian once. Well, she was a librarian by day, a call girl by--" I stopped him with a quick lift of an eyebrow. "If you finish that sentence, we cannot be friends. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #librarians #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

Doing the limbo under a razor pendulum is a lot cheaper than having a caesarian in a hospital. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #pendulum #pregnancy #funny

Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity. ↗

— Skyla Madi

#humor #inspirational #skyla-madi #truth #funny

Bricks are independent but can work well with other, tough to crack, fiercely loyal and put in the right spot will hold anything and everything that you’ve ever held dear with the greatest of ease. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor

Royce looked back down at the stream below. "She doesn't even know me. What if she doesn't like me? Few people do." "She might not at first. Maribor knows I didn't. But you have a way of growing on a person." He smiled. "You know, like lichen or mold. ↗

— Michael J. Sullivan

#giggles #hadrian #humor #royce #funny

Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year. ↗

— Derek The Ghost

#funny #horror #humor #scary #school

We're living in a funny world kid, a peculiar civilization. The police are playing crooks in it, and the crooks are doing police duty. The politicians are preachers, and the preachers are politicians. The tax collectors collect for themselves. The Bad People want us to have more dough, and the good people are fighting to keep it from us. It's not good for us, know what I mean? If we had all we wanted to eat, we'd eat too much. We'd have inflation in the toilet paper industry. That's the way I understand it. That's about the size of some of the arguments I've heard. ↗

— Jim Thompson

#social-commentary #funny

Attacking a provincial lord in his manor house, surrounded by guards...Honestly, Kell, I'd nearly forgotten how foolhardy you can be. "Foolhardy?" Kelsier asked with a laugh. "that wasn't foolhardy - that was just a small diversion. You should see some of the things I'm planning to do! Dockson stood for a moment then he laughed too. "By the Lord Ruler, it's good to have you back, kell! I'm afraid I've grown rather boring during the last few years" "We'll fix that" Kelsier promised. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#dockson #dox #foolhardy #funny #getting-boring

Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor-funny-absurd #me #need #reason #women

She wore so much thick white makeup in order to conceal her naturally rosy complexion that if she turned around suddenly her face would probably end up on the back of her head. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humorous #funny