#mo

Invisible things are the only realities. ↗

— Edgar Allan Poe

#satire #humor

Procrastinate now, don't put it off. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#paradox #procrastination #humor

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report? Hobbes: (Reading Calvin's paper) "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender modes." Calvin: Academia, here I come! ↗

— Bill Watterson

#education

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#paradox #religion #humor

Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall. ↗

— Eleanor Roosevelt

#risque #humor

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#isolationism #political-philosophy #politics #humor

What is it with you today?” says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are still swollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face. “Oh, you know,” I say. “Sun shining. Birds chirping.” She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an underground tunnel. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#humor #tris #humor

Well,” Tessa said, sighting along the line of the knife, “you behave as if you dislike me. In fact, you behave as if you dislike us all.” “I don’t,” Gabriel said. “I just dislike him.” He pointed at Will. “Dear me,” said Will, and he took another bite of his apple. “Is it because I’m better-looking than you? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

It has often been said there’s so much to be read, you never can cram all those words in your head. So the writer who breeds more words than he needs is making a chore for the reader who reads. That's why my belief is the briefer the brief is, the greater the sigh of the reader's relief is. And that's why your books have such power and strength. You publish with shorth! (Shorth is better than length.) ↗

— Dr. Seuss

#writing #humor