#naughty

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#masturbation #men #naughty #sex #men

Can you tell by where my eyes are looking what I’m thinking? Hint: I’m staring directly at your vagina.
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— Jarod Kintz

#hint #men #naughty #naughty-thoughts #obvious

I have a whisper like a zipper. Your secret is safe in my pants.
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— Jarod Kintz

#humor #naughty #pants #safe #safety

I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.
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— Jarod Kintz

#asexual #cardboard-tubes #imagination #love #make-believe

Edwina knew things with Greg had just about run their course. She'd bedded him, and bought him clothes, and now it was time for the polite push out the door. Of course she wished her latest conquest all the best. If he was lucky, Greg would just fall right into some other powerful woman's bed. If not . . . well, if not he'd just have to do the old-fashioned thing and look for work. Though darling Greggy-poo didn't really seem the type. Edwina studied him while he slept by the pool, drinking in that tight behind and those bulging muscles for the last time. The trouble with younger men, she thought, was that they were so damned good at sex that they really didn't have to be good at anything else. ↗

— Barbara Taylor Bradford

#older-women #men

I always thought of photography as a naughty thing to do - that was one of my favorite things about it, and when I first did it, I felt very perverse. ↗

— Diane Arbus

#always #did #favorite #favorite things #felt

Just because I look sexy on the cover of Rolling Stone doesn't mean I'm naughty. ↗

— Britney Spears

#cover #i #just #just because #look

I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless.
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— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #awesome #bar #bizarre #drinking

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#condom #food #fruit #funny #humor

No matter how bad things get, just keep looking up. Just keep looking up her skirt. Or his kilt. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#naughty #positive-attitude #skirt #attitude