#naughty

I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #genitals #hilarious #humor #naughty

My wife, a schoolteacher, very disciplined. If you think I'm tough, trust me, and wait till you see when the children are on the naughty step. It's hilarious. So we decided that I'm going to work like a donkey and provide amazing support for the family. ↗

— Gordon Ramsay

#children #decided #disciplined #donkey #family

How far that little candle throws its beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#candle #deed #far #good #good deed

They're naughty, all those writers - they mess around with people. I know James Gandolfini got a bit fed up on 'The Sopranos': if he said anything in front of a writer, told them a story from his life, it could make its way into the script. ↗

— Kelly Macdonald

#around #bit #could #fed #fed up

I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#kiss #mississippi #naughty #nautical #riverboat-captain

Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman any day of the year. But be sure to book early for Valentine’s Day.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flowers #funny #humor #love #naughty

I have a whisper like a zipper. Your secret is safe in my pants.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #naughty #pants #safe #safety

I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#asexual #cardboard-tubes #imagination #love #make-believe

Edwina knew things with Greg had just about run their course. She'd bedded him, and bought him clothes, and now it was time for the polite push out the door. Of course she wished her latest conquest all the best. If he was lucky, Greg would just fall right into some other powerful woman's bed. If not . . . well, if not he'd just have to do the old-fashioned thing and look for work. Though darling Greggy-poo didn't really seem the type. Edwina studied him while he slept by the pool, drinking in that tight behind and those bulging muscles for the last time. The trouble with younger men, she thought, was that they were so damned good at sex that they really didn't have to be good at anything else. ↗

— Barbara Taylor Bradford

#older-women #men

I think Australians do well here because we feel a bit naughty, like we're in America and if they only knew how much fun we were having, we'd all get thrown out, you know. ↗

— Melissa George

#australians #because #bit #feel #fun