#om

If women were as good as men they'd be a lot better! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#men #women #humor

A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person drowning is a politician.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I'm not racist, I've got a black president ↗

— Dane Cook

#humor #humor

Never sleep with a lady only once, especially in the case of an older lady. -'Rhett ↗

— Rowena Cherry

#humor #racy #romance #rules-for-a-rake #sperm-donor

I love jell-o. I love the way it comes in rainbow colours, wiggles and jiggles and looks like brains. ↗

— Megan McDonald

#humor #jell-o #random #humor

Lori sat way back in her chair and gave him the once-over. "What in the world's gotten into Ben Lawson? jokes? Flirting? Maybe I should sleep with Molly. I think she's got a magic hooha. ↗

— Victoria Dahl

#romance #humor

Never touch my brother on his fucking birthday. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #thomas-raith #humor

You have a valid complaint, and I do recognize it ... but you are reading into things a little bit. Just the same, I will do my best to make horrible things happen to a bunch of white people before something else so graphic hits a minority character. ↗

— Robert Kirkman

#comics #humor #humor

Never attribute to malevolence what is merely due to incompetence ↗

— Arthur C. Clarke

#incompetence #social #humor

If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract... -- Rhett ↗

— Rowena Cherry

#fantasy #futuristic #humor #humour #romance