#our

I’m not going anywhere until you hear me out.” Oh, please no. Anything except having to listen to her lecture. I push the button that calls the nurse. “Can we help you, Alex?” a voice bellows through the speaker. “I’m bein’ tortured. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile. ↗

— Zane Stumpo

#funny #humor #humour #wit #witty

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another. ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#ball #formal #funny #hair #high-school

I guess when you’re trying to find all the parts of yourself, it’s difficult to be with someone who’s already fully intact. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#goodness #inspiration #love #yourself #inspirational

I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#humour #misanthropy #humor

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to. ↗

— George Saunders

#humour #humor

When a man plans, a woman laughs. ↗

— David Wong

#humour #men #paraphrased #plans #women

Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?" Minho asked, pulling Thomas's attention away from Alby. "Go ahead," Newt replied. Minho nodded and faced the crowd. "Be careful," he said dryly. "Don't die. ↗

— James Dashner

#humour #humor

Let me go!" She tore off a mirror and brandished it in his face. "I mean it! I don't want to go to your godforsaken hellbarn, you retarded psycho farmer! ↗

— Gina Damico

#humour #humor

In Life, you need to know the difference between what you think is right and what you know is right. ↗

— Rea Erika Paraz Ebate

#humor #life #wisdom #wise-sayings #humor