#p

Punning is a talent which no man affects to despise but he that is without it. ↗

— Jonathan Swift

#puns #humor

We split a bottle of Norman cider. Not everybody sells Norman cider by the bottle. "Has a European feel" Susan said. "That sounds terrific" I said. "Can I have one?" Susan grinned at me. "How did you ever get to be so big without growing up?" she said. "Iron self-control" I said. ↗

— Robert B. Parker

#humor #spenser #humor

Out of curiosity, when do I grow up and become a fullfledged man with a penis?” “When words like ‘hump day’ don’t make you giggle like a twelve-year-old,” he retorted, blowing smoke my way. “Wow, that long? ↗

— Dani Alexander

#growing-up #humor #hump-day #humor

My love is expansive. Your love is expensive.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#expansive #expensive #funny #humor #life

It's better to have loved and lost than to be nagged about buying a damn anniversary gift every year. ↗

— Joey Green

#love #paraphrased #humor

New rules. If you are smart enough to live, you won’t hit Charles’s mate in front of his father. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#anna-cornick #bran-cornick #charles-cornick #cry-wolf #defense

No,” said Hermione shortly. “Have either of you seen my copy of Numerology and Gramatica?” “Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for a bit of bedtime reading,” said Ron, but very quietly. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#hermione-granger #humor #out-of-character #quips #ron-weasley

If I hear any more loud voices, you will both be auctioned off on eBay. I could use the extra money. ↗

— J.R. Rain

#parenting #humor

I feel like I might start crying and that I'm going to cry pee. ↗

— John Green

#humor #leaving #paper-towns #pee #young-adult

Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships. ↗

— Sacha Baron Cohen

#love #relationships #sex #humor