#pol

The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#attempted-murder #authorities #choke #choking #crime

There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #flag #flagpole #funny #honor

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police

The law and a thin veil of insincerity, all that prevents me from strangling an etiquette coach. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #law #manners #politeness

Dave? This is John." "What are you-" Alive? "-in an ambulance or something?" "Yes and no. Are you still at the police station?" "Yeah. We were both-" "Have I died yet? ↗

— David Wong

#died-yet #funny #john #police #funny

The confounding Political Economy with the Sciences and Arts to which it is subservient, has been one of the principal obstacles to its improvement. ↗

— Nassau William Senior

#been #confounding #economy #improvement #obstacles

The United States are a political state, or organized society, whose end is government, for the security, welfare, and happiness of all who live under its protection. ↗

— William H. Seward

#government #happiness #live #organized #political

Beth had been a middle school science teacher and Joni was a librarian and they both had collections of weird stuff they had found. Bizarre, misspelled letters written by lovelorn eighth graders. Obscene Polaroids left in between the pages of library books. They used to call each other on the phone to share their latest discovery, and Critter had always remained a little off to the side, never feeling quite as sharp or ironic as they were. Critter was an electrician, primarily home repair, and so he didn't usually come across anything except bad wiring and faulty lighting fixtures. ↗

— Dan Chaon

#collections #polaroids #home

From the vantage of a mid-1970's consensus that regarded the United States as having entered a post-Protestant era, the rise of a Religious Right dominated not only by Protestants but by fundamentalists was not the way the story was supposed to go. People like Jerry Falwell looked like party crashers who, rather than slikinking from bar to buffet in hopes of going unnoticed, demanded that the vegetarian, alcohol-imbibing hosts serve meat and tell the bartender to go home. ↗

— D.G. Hart

#political #religious-right #home

Ooh, you look much tastier than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry" said Hermione, before catching sight of Ron's raised eyebrows, blushing slightly and saying "oh you know what I mean - Goyle's Potion looked like bogies. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#hermione-granger #humor #polyjuice-potion #ron-weasley #taste