#quotations

Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous-philosophy #humorous-quotations #humor

Oh, adorable, delicious Amelie. If I weren't so completely straight and enamored with cock, I would devour this sweet little tart. ↗

— Ella Dominguez

#humorous-quotations #humor

I'm writing a book on Procrastination. I hope to start it tomorrow. I've been thinking about it for almost six years now. ↗

— Ron Moore

#procrastination

Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. (T-Shirt) ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster, ↗

— Steven Pinker

#humor #humorous-quotations #funny

Have you ever noticed that folks will say ‘Look, he has his mama’s eyes’ or ‘his daddy’s nose,’ but they never say ‘We’re so proud! Look! He’s hung just like grampa’?” - Zach McKnight ↗

— Suzie Quint

#humor

Oh God, my stomach must have won a medal- it's doing a lap of honour now. ↗

— Ali McNamara

#love-story #humor

For the love of mercy, I cannot walk into mediation with a swollen vagina, Cash. Please.” I smile against her thigh, rubbing my scratchy face against the softness of her skin. “Is that what I’m doing?” Innocence—fuck no. I can’t even fake that shit. ↗

— Pella Grace

#romance #love

You can tell a really wonderful quote by the fact that it's attributed to a whole raft of wits. ↗

— Anna Quindlen

#pith #quotations #quotes #wit #imagination

Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you. ↗

— Salman Aditya

#humorous-quotations #inspirational #humor