#r

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. ↗

— Billy Sunday

#car #funny #humor #religious #funny

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#diary #i #never #read #sensational

NAUGHTY AND NICE? said Death. BUT IT'S EASY TO BE NICE IF YOU'RE RICH. IS THIS FAIR? Albert wanted to argue. He wanted to say, Really? In that case, how come so many of the rich buggers is bastards? And being poor don't mean being naughty, neither. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#economics #money #morality #society #death

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more? ↗

— Chris Rock

#everyday-life #funny #humor #observational-comedy #funny

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. ↗

— Anthony G. Oettinger

#misattributed-to-groucho-marx #time #humor

Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?" asked Jace. "It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath." "As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome," said Simon. "I knew we should have left you a rat. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#clary-fray #humor #jace-wayland #simon-lewis #humor

It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! ↗

— Friedrich Nietzsche

#philosophy #humor

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know. ↗

— Mark Twain

#knowledge #humor