#rap

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. ↗

— Johnny Carson

#entertainment #funny #hollywood #humor #insanity

I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed . . . Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. ↗

— Tara Gilesbie

#funny #my-immortal #funny

I learned to read at a young age and I have always read voraciously. It is one of the few things, aside from getting fucked up and getting in trouble, that I have done consistently throughout my entire life. ↗

— James Frey

#age

Magnus led her in one of the room on the first floor. A bath with a nice, big corner bathtub bordered on the bedroom. Like all rooms in this house this was also equipped luxuriously. „Clothes are in the cupboard. Towels and bubble bath already lie there. Feel like at home.“ She nodded and looked at him waiting. He smiled again. „Should I join you? I could also need a bath.“ She smiled back and shook the head. „No, thanks Magnus. I need a lot of place.“ „Well, you could sit on my lap.“ She closed the mouth tight her eyes and tried to look indignant, but in the meantime his flirting was a lot of fun for her. She liked the game between them. „Alone.“ He smiled and made a small bow. „As you wish. ↗

— Seline Blade

#home

In the poetry of arrival, the garage door is free verse; the front door can be anything from a rhyming couplet to a sonnet. ↗

— Akiko Busch

#home

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. ↗

— Steven Wright

#i #unauthorized #writing

Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#paraphrased #humor

Imagine this guy hits Mike Hammer over the head with a wooden coathanger and knocks him out. You hit Mike Hammer over the head with a wooden coathanger, he'll beat the crap out of you. ↗

— Mickey Spillane

#crap #guy #hammer #head #him

What Turning Forty Means to Me I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn't used to have to do that. But now I do. ↗

— Tina Fey

#humor #humor

Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humour #humor