#sarcasm

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#enemies #flavia-de-luce #humor #intelligence #sarcasm

You have been a poor observer of life if you have not also seen the hand that, ever so gently – kills. ↗

— Friedrich Nietzsche

#life

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since. ↗

— Jerome K. Jerome

#german #humor #sarcasm #men

Who the hell is that?! Some call her Satan. Others, Beelzebub. She goes by many names. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#romance #sarcasm #nature

Oh no, praying is great, without it the thumbscrews and the Iron Maiden probably never would have been invented. ↗

— Stephen King

#sarcasm #religion

Listen, Peaches, trickery is what humans are all about," said the voice of Maurice. "They're so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #politics #sarcasm #trickery #voting

You don’t like my restaurant, Miss Connor?” “I couldn’t say since the waiting list to get in is six months long.” One side of his mouth curved up. “This is true.” His finger lingered, and I tried to swallow the nervous lump in my throat. “I think you can call me by my first name now, seeing as how you’re touching my boob. That puts us a little past formality, don’t you think? ↗

— Jenny Lyn

#food-and-sex #funny #humor #jenny-lyn #sarcasm

I need to ask, are you afraid of spiders?" Nicholas blinked, suddenly caught off guard, "Yes, I'm afraid of spiders." "Were you always?" "What are you, a psychiatrist?" Pritam took a breath. He could feel Laine's eyes on him, appraising his line of questioning. "Is it possible that the trauma of losing your best friend as a child and the trauma of losing your wife as an adult and the trauma of seeing Laine's husband take his life in front of you just recently..." Pritam shrugged and raised his palms, "You see where I'm going?" Nicholas looked at Laine. She watched back. Her gray eyes missed nothing. "Sure," agreed Nicholas, standing. "And my sister's nuts, too, and we both like imagining that little white dogs are big nasty spiders because our daddy died and we never got enough cuddles." "Your father died?" asked Laine. "When?" "Who cares?" Pritam sighed. "You must see this from our point of - " "I'd love to!" snapped Nicholas. "I'd love to see it from your point of view, because mine is not that much fun! It's insane! It's insane that I see dead people, Pritam! It's insane that this," he flicked out the sardonyx necklace,"stopped me from kidnapping a little girl!" "That's what you believe," Pritam said carefully. "That's what I fucking believe!" Nicholas stabbed his finger through the air at the dead bird talisman lying slack on the coffee table. ↗

— Stephen M. Irwin

#anger #childhood-trauma #death #defensive #grief

Just so you know, I get incredibly bored quite easily and you will be forced to be my source of entertainment. You'll kind of be like my own personal jester." I flipped him off. "Well that wasn't funny at all. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#deacon #funny #sarcasm #funny

There are these amazing little seeds called compassion.  You should grow some. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#charity #compassion #richelle #richelle-goodrich #sarcasm