#sarcastic

...but, dear me, let us be elegant or die. ↗

— Louisa May Alcott

#humor

Or, I could just sit in the bushes and pump the hand pump until the plumbing was superpressurized to 110 psi. This way, when someone goes to flush a toilet, the toilet tank will explode. At 150 psi, if someone turns on the shower, the water pressure will blow off the shower head, strip the threads, blam, the shower head turns into a mortar shell. Tyler only says this to make me feel better. The truth is I like my boss. Besides, I'm enlightened now. You know, only Buddha-style behavior. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor

I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood. ↗

— J.D. Salinger

#sarcasm #sarcastic #sarcasm

Little-known fact about cheerleaders: They keep schedules that would make grown marines cry. ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#funny #sarcastic #toby #funny

Sookie: He's your maker isn't he? Eric: Dont use words you dont understand. Sookie: You have a lot of love for him. Eric: Don't use words I don't understand." (Sookie and Eric's conversation about Godric, from True Blood season 2) ↗

— True Blood

#humorous #love #sarcastic #love

Kidnapped by a vampire, death by a squid. How tragic. ↗

— Abigail Gibbs

#sarcastic-humor #violet-lee #death

I started down but Sam caught my arm and knelt down himself to look. "For crying out loud," he said. "It's a racoon." "Poor thing," I said. "It could be a rabid baby-killer," Cole told me primly. "Shut up," Sam said pleasantly. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#funny #grace-brisbane #prim #rabid #racoon

No, but as a vampire, I'm able to detect subtle shifts in emotional energy. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#funny #jenna #sarcastic #funny

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor #sarcastic-humor #satire #humor

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half. ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#control-freaks #control-issues #cynic #cynical #cynical-humor