#sarcastic

(The Mona Lisa), that really is the ugliest portrait I’ve seen, the only thing that supposedly makes it famous is the mystery behind it,” Katherine admitted as she remembered her trips to the Louvre and how she shook her head at the poor tourists crowding around to see a jaundiced, eyebrow-less lady that reminded her of tight-lipped Washington on the dollar bill. Surely, they could have chosen a better portrait of the First President for their currency? ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#artwork #da-vinci #funny #george-washington #humor

Mum said earlier what a lovely dress you’re wearing.” Beryl’s eyebrows wriggled like two tiny tapeworms. “This?” she said. “But I’ve had this for years.” It was a beige dress that would have looked better on an eighty year-old. Any eighty-year-old, man or woman. “I think you’ve really grown into it,” Valkyrie said. “I always thought it was a little shapeless.” Valkyrie resisted the urge to say that was what she meant. ↗

— Derek Landy

#shapeless #style #death

Sometimes I say things that I think are obviously sarcastic and people take them quite literally. ↗

— Megan Fox

#i think #literally #obviously #people #quite

My father was a very unhappy person, very sarcastic, and my mother was very nervous and worried about what people thought. They weren't monsters, but it wasn't a good childhood. ↗

— Paula Danziger

#childhood #father #good #good childhood #happy person

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#communication #conversations #funny #humor #mind

In every day and in every way, we're all that much closer to death. ↗

— Charles Atkins

#humor #sarcastic #death

Too young,too young,she chanted to herself. Wrong,of course. I was older than her grandfather but according to my driver's license,she was right. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#humor

You're a big help, Mr. I Read So Many Books. ↗

— Laura Ruby

#sarcastic #humor

I can only imagine what goes on in that head of yours…” he teased. “I assure you I haven’t taken up black magic, ritualistic sacrifice, or—” “Plushophilia?” I tagged on. “Excuse me?…” came his half-confused, half-intrigued reaction. “An obsession with stuffed animals,” I clarified. “I mean, you are a young one…” “Where did you come up with that?” He kept his hands firmly covering my eyes, but I could hear the amused smile in his voice. “Is that even a real word?” “I’m a doctor, I know these things,” I shrugged. ↗

— M.A. George

#paranormal-romance #sarcastic-humor #imagination

I wish I could say I’m low maintenance, but I like some of the finer things in life…like a toothbrush. ↗

— M.A. George

#low-maintenance #paranormal-romance #sarcastic-humor #the-finer-things-in-life #life