#sarcastic

I'm still furious with you," she murmured, kissing a line down his chest. "Oh, God, please don't be furious," he choked out quickly. "Every female I know is furious with me. Rosalyn throws tantrums, and Charlotte hasn't spoken to me or written since you left." He moved his hands to unbutton her gown. "The morning I thought you'd sailed out of my life I started drinking and didn't stop until I'd finished two bottles. For three days I had a blistering headache, and Nedda couldn't for the life of her stop banging things." He groaned. "And I can't even begin to tell you about your sisters. ↗

— Adele Ashworth

#funny #love #sarcastic #funny

We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters. ↗

— Sandra Chami Kassis

#humor #ideas #mind-power #revolution #sarcasm

So, you're telling me the zoo commissioned you to make a zombie panda in order to avoid a potential international incident. ↗

— Lish McBride

#necromancer #panda #sarcastic #zombie #humor

Guys like him? They were the worst kind. All looks and no heart. Guys not like him? They were all deceiving, freaking asshats. ↗

— Rucy Ban

#love #passion #sarcastic #sexy #witty

Want some help with help with that stick in your ass, love?" "No. It's quite comfortable, thank you." "It should be. It's been in there for years." Nix winked at Will. "I hope you'll forgive my wife. She's a bit antisocial." "And water's a bit wet. ↗

— S.W. Vaughn

#forgiveness

I didn’t intend it to come out sarcastically, but I guess that’s just where my tone of voice automatically goes these days. ↗

— M.A. George

#sarcasm #sarcastic-humor #humor

Carpe Diem, just remember that we're partying on the Titanic. ↗

— Will McIntosh

#humor #sarcastic #funny

Kidnapped by a vampire, death by a squid. How tragic. ↗

— Abigail Gibbs

#sarcastic-humor #violet-lee #death

I'm very used to playing the tomboy or the sarcastic cynic. That's my go-to. Playing the vulnerable of a real girl that's in real womanlike situations, where it's romanticized, I'm a little nervous about it. ↗

— Kristen Bell

#cynic #girl #i #little #nervous

If history teaches us anything, it’s that governments are always right, and they always do what’s in the best interest of the people, even at the expense of their own political agenda. In every situation, the answer is always more government and more regulation. If there are six billion people in the world, then all six billion should work for the government. More, if we could. And there should be at least twice as many laws as there are people in the world. And with more laws means more lawyers, so it’s a double benefit. It’s a win-win for both the government and the citizens, which of course there won’t be because in this utopian dream there are no citizens, there is only the government. The best part is the taxes will be super high, but they’re paid in full by the printing presses of the Geodesic Dome Society. Full benefits, zero unemployment, no chance of being fired, and a world so efficient it would make Rube Goldberg look like Fred Taylor or Henry Ford. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #governments #history #sarcastic #dreams