#sm

I was supposed to be waiting up here when you got back, only your Phoenix lot got in the way...” “Yes, they do that,” said Dumbledore. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #malfoy #order-of-the-phoenix #sarcasm #humor

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #misattributed #spoonerism #wordplay #humor

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it makes a better soup. ↗

— Bertrand Russell

#cooking #fragrance #humor #idealism #metaphors

Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent. ↗

— Glen Cook

#humor #life #humor

EVERYTHING NOT FORBIDDEN IS COMPULSORY ↗

— T.H. White

#government #humor #totalitarianism #humor

When God made man she was practicing. ↗

— Rita Mae Brown

#humor #humor

good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere ↗

— Helen Gurley Brown

#humor #naughty #sex #virginity #humor

Harry Dresden. Saving the world, one act of random destruction at a time. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#heroism #humor #humor

It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion". ↗

— Jordan Sonnenblick

#euphemism #humor #parents #humor

I disapprove of matrimony as a matter of principle.... Why should any independent, intelligent female choose to subject herself to the whims and tyrannies of a husband? I assure you, I have yet to meet a man as sensible as myself! (Amelia Peabody) ↗

— Elizabeth Peters

#humor #husbands #intelligence #intelligent #marriage