#tire

...Come on let’s see the degree.” Katherine unrolled her scroll displaying a long declaration in Latin affixed with a red seal proclaiming her a Master of Art. “Imagine working for years to obtain a piece of paper we can hardly read ” Katherine joked. “And to officially declare you have talent ” Suzy returned. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#college-degree #credentials #degree #funny #humor

It is the function of science to discover the existence of a general reign of order in nature and to find the causes governing this order. And this refers in equal measure to the relations of man - social and political - and to the entire universe as a whole. ↗

— Dmitri Mendeleev

#discover #entire #entire universe #equal #equal measure

So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won’t do in your essays. ↗

— N.H. Kleinbaum

#laziness #morose #tired #very #women

Sleep did not honor me with it’s presence. ↗

— Alysha Speer

#exhausted #honor #me #presents #sharden

I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don't want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ↗

— George Orwell

#political-satire #quthoritarianism #russian-revolution #virtue

The emperor is naked!" The parade stopped. The emperor paused. A hush fell over the crowd, until one quick-thinking peasant shouted: "No, he isn't. The emperor is merely endorsing a clothing-optional lifestyle! ↗

— James Finn Garner

#emeror-s-new-clothes #emperor #fairytales #humour #politically-correct

I am tired of hiding, tired of misspent and knotted energies, tired of the hypocrisy, and tired of acting as though I have something to hide. ↗

— Kay Redfield Jamison

#tiredness #energy

Great News! If you quit being cunty the whole world will stop being against you! ↗

— Sarah Silverman

#satire #twitter #twitter

You're miserable, edgy and tired. You're in the perfect mood for journalism. ↗

— Warren Ellis

#journalism #miserable #mood #perfect #tired

With him big Phil from Notting Hill an old "face" from the sixties a pin up gangster with a "mars bar" weal scraping his left cheek and of course two "wag" slags in tow trussed up like French Poodles with "Bratz babe" stares and Gucci Handbags ↗

— Saira Viola

#crime #humour #post-modern #satire #satire