#um

It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me! ↗

— Hergé

#funny #humor #tintin #funny

An impending sense of doom, a weariness of decadence - these are the deep concerns of a generation which charges into the darkness naked holding wine spritzers. ↗

— Bauvard

#fate #funny #humor #funny

Once I saw Paris Hilton leaving a restaurant in Hollywood and the paparazzi cameras were all over her. It looked so unpleasant. It wasn't because she didn't look sensational - she was that perfect combination of fashionable and slutty - it was because the paparazzi guys were shouting these insanely rude and intrusive questions at her. Like, asking her who she was sleeping with and stuff. I was kind of interested in the answer, so I was glad they asked, but it was still gross. ↗

— Mindy Kaling

#humor

I'd do the lifting, but I just got a manicure. And I notice you don't have a manicure at all. Only thing noticeable about your hands is the missing tan on your ring finger that I don't care about. -Lula ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

Presque tous les hommes meurent de leurs remèdes, et non pas de leurs maladies. ↗

— Molière

#illness #medicine #remedies #humor

I’m writing my next book under a pseudonym. It will be Mark Twain’s best young adult romance. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #writing #funny

I want to know what it’s like to feel affection, compassion, kindness. I want to touch a wimp. But just a light brush against the clothes. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #sympathy #funny

Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they'd seen the need for gods as the sort of supernatural equivalent of a hard hat. Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, "Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny #humour #religion #funny

I've lived a full life. I never once went hungry. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #hunger #life #funny

I want you to know, chickens aren’t sexy. Not to me.” This was met with silence. “Are you there?” She was slurring her words now, which was embarrassing, so she took a deep breath. “Cam? Can you hear me?” “Yes, chickens aren’t sexy. Uh…I don’t think they’re meant to be. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-comedy #funny