#y

Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#immortals-after-dark #kresley-cole #nix-the-ever-knowing #funny

I found her lying naked on the lawn at midnight, can I keep her? ↗

— R.J. Anderson

#funny

Well, pardon me for not knowing about the thermal-only panty rule,” I said, smirking as he dipped his head to nuzzle one of the silky bra cups. “I’ll rush right out and buy some long johns.” Pausing to look up with perfect sincerity, he promised, “If you do, I will weep. Like a little girl. In public. ↗

— Molly Harper

#humour #funny

We were kissing. I thought: This is good. I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all. I thought: I am clearly the greatest kisser in the history of the universe. Suddenly she laughed and pulled away from me. She wiggled a hand out of her sleeping bag and wiped her face. "You slobbered on my nose," she said, and laughed. ↗

— John Green

#kissing #love #funny

Oh! Your hand is cold." Ashley cupped her fingers against her shirt to warm them. "I've been dead for seven years," Noah said. "That's as warm as they get. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#funny

What's your angle?" I asked, trying to sound more playful than demanding. "Isosceles," Jack quipped. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#math-humor #quip #retort #humor

If you ever put a student at this school in danger again-' 'Oh, I thought you Gallagher Girls were immune to danger.' Despite the hundred girls the filled the foyer, no one moved or gasped or tried to defend our honor. We stood silently, waiting for our headmistress to say, 'Oh, we are quite used to being underestimated, Agent Townsend. In fact, we welcome it. ↗

— Ally Carter

#gallagher-girl #humor #humor

I think that men ought to treat women like something other than weaker men with breasts. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #humor

I had a dream about you last night. The best day of my life was when I taught you how to juggle, but the best day of yours was when you taught someone else. ↗

— Michael Summers

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

People can be so emotionally unintelligent. When I ask them how they’re doing they just make brusque comments like “I’m good, thanks.” After years of trying to get cashiers to talk about their feelings and having to deal with the bottled-up aggression of the customers behind me, I’ve lost all faith in humanity’s ability to connect with each other at the checkout counter. ↗

— Bauvard

#cashiers #funny #humor #faith