Illness Confessions

I really, really, REALLY want to commit arson. I love fire, and the feeling of setting not just papers or my curtains but an entire HOUSE on fire excites me to no end. I've done research, I know how I could do it. I guess I have a problem

#fire   #crime  

i tried to kill myself.

#depression  

I’m basically an emotional crutch for my friend, pretty much the only one she has, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to kill myself soon. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want to leave her alone and stranded with nobody to talk to anymore, but I don’t think my mind is going to let me stay here much longer. And the worst part is I’m doing everything right. I’ve been taking my meds, reaching out to people when I need them, ive been taking notice when I’m having irrational thoughts and putting a stop to them, I’ve been excersicing, boy howdy have I. Been excersicing, but I still hear screaming that isn’t there, I still feel like my room is closing in on me, I still feel like my mind is deteriorating...what am I doing wrong?

#suicidal   #mentalillness   #support   #killing   #myself  

My mother has been diagnosed with alzheimer and her illnes gets worse and worse each day.
I am afraid of calling her. I always tell my brother that I called her. She would forget it anyway.

I am a bad daughter.

#lie   #mother   #alzheimer   #illness   #forget   #daughter  

Many times I have thought about what it’s like to get high. Or be drugged. Or be drunk.
I can’t drink or take drugs. I have epilepsy and strong medication.

#illness   #drugs   #alcohol  

I feel fucked up for really wanting to get a serious illness "just to see what it's like" and possibly treasure life more, when I won't have much time.

I apologise to those who never had a choice...

#apology   #illness   #test   #life   #treasuring