Augusten Burroughs

Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#humor #thanksgiving #humor

I love you," she said, and I knew she meant it because she spoke the words from the heart at the center of her chest. This, at least, had not been left behind at the hospital. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#love #love

The only other people who have had experiences similar to those of this man were locked up inside institutions for the criminally insane. The difference is, this guy gets business cards. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#business

And I hope she does not live in a dark world. Because even the most terrible loss doesn't have to make you darker; it can make you deeper. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#grief #growth #loss #death

What police officer would dare ticket Death's minivan? ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#death

Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#mental-health #optimism #pep-talk #mental-health

If I were a serial killer, I would not be the kind that stabs and then eats the victim. I would be the kind that hides in a tree and shoots at the aerobics class. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#humor

This is what you should know about losing someone you love. They do not travel alone. You go with them. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#healing #inspirational #love #inspirational

Long marriages have ended in ruin over tiny and insignificant grievances that were never properly aired and instead grew into a brittle barnacle of hatred. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#marriage #communication

Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis. ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#humor