#absurd

it can't be wrong, if it feels so wrong ↗

— Josh Stern

#humor #wrong #funny

If I had a funny thought and a runny nose, but only had one napkin and no paper, I’d rather use that napkin to write on than blow my nose. After all, that’s what sleeves are for.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #odd #strange

My favorite time of the day is 3:33 pm, though I rarely see it because it’s a little too early to be getting up for the day. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

Orafoura paid me in pajamas, and I let him because the pajamas matched his plaid mustache.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #mustache #orafoura #pajamas

If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #humor

I’m beginning to sense a theme,” Mircea said, tossing his suit coat over a buckskin-covered chair. A moose head with huge, outspread antlers loomed over it, its bright glass eyes looking oddly lifelike in the low light. Mircea took in the room, his expression slightly repulsed yet fascinated. “I believe there is only one thing to say at this point.” What’s that?” Yee haw,” he said gravely, and took me down like a rodeo calf. ↗

— Karen Chance

#cassie #humor #mircea #humor

His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #strange #surreal #funny

There is small merit in mocking goodness, tweaking charity; it is much more comic to deprive people of their petty little existence for no reason at all, for a lark. ↗

— Jacques Rigaut

#humor #humor

That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#funny #humor #humorous #humour #life

The other day I tried to design a finish line, but I didn’t know where to start. So I just sat there and drank Gatorade. Ah, but that’s life, no?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#design #finish #gatorade #life #sat