#clone

She said, “You disgust me. How do you live with yourself?” So I said, “Like I live with my clone: with many pats on the back, accompanied by high flattery. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

Freud was a fraud, but he’d probably think I have a complex of some kind. Anal, oral, Orafoural, etc. While most kids wanted to grow up to be an astronaut, one of Barbara Streisand’s bras, a priest in sheep’s clothing, or an IRS employee, I always wanted to be my own clone. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #irs #funny

Who inspires me to write? My clone. I just want him to appreciate me as a person. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

I’m thinking of moving my cloning factory to someplace less visible, like in front of a fogged mirror. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#factory #funny #humor #funny

On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#birthday #clone #funny #humor #funny

I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clone #funny #humor #funny

Agatha and I rode off towards the sunset together. On a unicycle. Two bodies, one wheel, one seat, one love. And tomorrow Agatha’s clone and I will ride off towards the sunrise together. On a bicycle. Two bodies, two wheels, one seat, two loves, one chance to make our lives really ours, despite being a derivative. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clone #love #love

I killed my clone. It’s not murder, it’s partial suicide. I want a stiff drink, but not alcohol. I want formaldehyde. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #murder #humor

To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clone #funny #humor #love #age

Startled, she said, “Oh, I thought you were somebody else.” “No,” I said, “I’m not somebody else—but my clone is.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fright #funny #humor #people #relationships