#clone

I'm the kind of guy who puts other people first. Particularly if there’s danger up ahead. Now I’m not saying I’m any more cowardly than the next man, unless that next man is any other man besides my clone. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cowardly #danger #funny #funny

Yesterday, at the company party, I made a joke and everyone laughed and said, “Hey, now there’s the Jarod Kintz we all know and love.” and I smiled, but inside I thought, “Actually, the Jarod Kintz you know and love was my clone, who I had to murder because he kept eating all my leftovers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #funny #humor #laughed #murder

I killed my clone and I hid his body behind every mirror I’ll ever step in front of. I’m always surprised to see him, and I never fail to brush his teeth or gaze at his decomposing body. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #kill #funny

If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own clone. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #life #reincarnation #life

Question for your life: Would you rather be the first female U.S. President, the first woman to walk on the moon, or the first woman to be courted by two clones who looked like Christian Bale? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clone #moon #president #question #woman

Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself, with myself in this case being himself? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clone #clones #knowledge #philosophy #socrates

The fastest way for me to achieve self-improvement is with The Opponent Apparatus (my clone). ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#self-improvement #change

If it's ka it'll come like a wind, and your plans will stand before it no more than a barn before a cyclone ↗

— Stephen King

#fate #ka #love #roland #stephen-king

My baseball team is called the I Ams. Just me and my clones on the roster. We’re devastating. Well, at least I am.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #devastating #devastation #roster #sports

I called to tell her I loved her, which was smart, because if I’d have done it in person, I’d have caught her with another man. I don’t care if he was my clone, it isn’t right and it pisses me off. I was backstabbed by myself.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cheating #clone #love #smart #love