#comedy

There was a group of fans who wanted autographs, and several women who managed to write their phone numbers on Wade's hand before he pulled free. Sam sent him an arched brow, but he just shrugged. He got numbers written on him a lot; he'd never figured out how to stop that from happening. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-comedy #funny

I decide to release myself the only way I can imagine: I pee my pants. ↗

— Phil Torcivia

#humour #imagination

I have so much hate that it has turned into love. ↗

— Margaret Cho

#comedy #hate #humor #love #margaret

Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#observational-comedy #observations #storytelling #humor

You're sure he's not a vampire?' Claire said.'I've seen movies. They're sneaky.' She was kidding. Eve didn't smile. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#mythical #humor

One does not have humor. It has you. ↗

— Larry Gelbart

#humor #humor

Ever since the robot was first invented, there have been people who swear up and down that this marks the first step towards the fall of man … To be fair, their arguments are backed with scientific fact taken from documentary films such as The Terminator, The Matrix, and RoboCop. ↗

— Weston Locher

#comedy #essay #funny #humor #funny

You took a bath without me?" I smiled to myself at the accusation in his voice. ↗

— Katie MacAlister

#bath #comedy #love #vampires #love

Phoebe doesn't quite believe in fate the way I do. She says you have to chase your destiny, and she always expects life to be like a romantic comedy: all you have to do is dress the part of the heroine, and pretty soon you'll be kissing some hottie while fountains spew and music swells in the background. ↗

— Lauren Morrill

#humor #romantic-comedy #humor

It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital. ↗

— Weston Locher

#comedy #essays #funny #hilarious #humor