#funny

Feeling unable to maintain this detachment of attitude towards human- and, in especial, matrimonial- affairs, I asked whether it was not true that she had married Bob Duport. She nodded; not exactly conveying, it seemed to me, that by some happy chance their union had introduced her to an unexpected terrestrial paradise. ↗

— Anthony Powell

#marriage #sardonic #attitude

I know because I read. Might I suggest you try it? ↗

— Libba Bray

#reading #beauty

Oh! Thanks for the public service announcement about what not to do in college, Mr. Eighteen-year-old-frat-boy-with-eleventy-billion-'serious'-girlfriends-under-his-belt! Get in the fucking car. You're a mean drunk. You haven't seen me mean, mama's boy! I told you we're close! Yeah, so are me and my asshole! Doesn't mean I'm going to call it twice a day! You're a bitch! Take. Me. Home. I'd love to, if you'd get in the fucking car! ↗

— Jamie McGuire

#funny-fight-scene #jamie-mcguire #shepley #walking-disaster #beauty

The French: a people who have used their sophisticated culture and beautiful language to bequeath to the world the sliced potato. ↗

— Bauvard

#french-fries #funny #humor #beauty

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#beauty #come #done #hair #how

Venice is beautiful, but like a Bergman movie is beautiful; you can admire it, but you don't really want to live in it. ↗

— Elizabeth Gilbert

#beauty

Silence is wittier than any jest. Thou wanteth to express thy feelings with eloquence and grace? Drop thy jaw boldly and beautifully. There, thou’rt starting to get it. But hang out thy tongue more. Let the drool strands drip down thy chin and give thy shirt a badge of desire. ‘Thou’rt mine,’ this drool stain says, ‘and I’ll ravish thou if I please…but as of this moment, it doesn’t please me. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #wooing #beauty

He watched me rake my fingers through the tangles in my hair and smiled. “Quit it. You’re fucking beautiful.” “Just point me to the nearest eighties rock video,” I said. ↗

— Jamie McGuire

#beautiful-disaster #eighties-rock-video #funny #jamie-mcguire #travis-maddox

What about you? What do you do?” I needed to ask questions, draw him out. I needed to find out all the information I could. My voice sounded strong and smooth, but my hands were shaking. I put them in my lap so he couldn’t see. “I prey on innocent villagers and terrify their children,” he said with a nasty smile. “And sometimes when I’m feeling really evil, I read books or paint. ↗

— Kate Avery Ellison

#curious #funny #kate-avery-ellison #sarcasm #the-curse-girl

Dignity in a man may be more beautiful than a pretty face, but no one will ever respect his daughters. ↗

— Bauvard

#dignity #funny #humor #beauty