#funny

I am the bathtub of love, but all Agatha ever wanted was a shower. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #funny

My darling, you are indisposed! You must remain abed for the next eight months. Little Buford - " "I am NOT naming our child Buford... ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#child #clockwork-prince #funny #funny

My parents raised me that you never ask people about their reproductive plans. “You don’t know their situation,” my mom would say. I considered it such an impolite question that for years I didn’t even ask myself. Thirty-five turned into forty faster than McDonald’s food turns into cold nonfood. ↗

— Tina Fey

#impolite #kids #mcdonalds #mother #food

An empty skull is the vanitas symbol of modern education. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #vanitas #education

I have a secret. A big, fat, hairy secret. And I’m not talking minor-league stuff, like I once let Joseph Applebaum feel me up behind the seventh-grade stairwell or I got a Brazilian wax after work last Friday or I’m hiding a neon blue vibrator called the Electric Slide in my night table. Which I’m not, by the way. In case you were wondering. ↗

— Karen MacInerney

#funny

Can I have Jake and Coke--uh, Jack and Cock ↗

— J.L. Langley

#funny

Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #shame #education

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn? ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #education

Teacher: a master who, through personal example, inspires students to rebel against learning. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #education

Now that's a sight for sore eyes, Sebastian. Maybe I should just leave you here: the hotel maids might appreciate that. Or, better still, maybe I'll take a photograph of you on my phone. Dont worry, I wont post it on the internet, it'll just be my screen saver. ↗

— Jane Harvey-Berrick

#funny #education